Call it schadenfreude, call it the byproduct of being an entertainment writer desperate for any celebrity news that doesn't involve the Kardashians, call it plain old car-wreck Lookie-Lou-ism, but I am totally fascinated by Shia LaBeouf's ongoing craziness. If you haven't been following his increasingly bizarre plagiarism scandal, here it is in a nutshell: it was revealed that his short film HowardCantour.com is a complete ripoff of a 2007 comic by the well-known artist Daniel Clowes, and LaBeouf has been publicly flailing ever since, issuing various Twitter explanations that were apparently ALSO plagiarized.
Oh, but the story gets weirder -- because now it involves skywriting. Yes: SKYWRITING. Shia LaBeouf hired a skywriter to send out his latest apology, and when you look at the various conflicting statements he's made over the last few days, either he's just completely nuts ... or he's trolling us all.
So here's what LaBeouf has been tweeting since mid-December:
I was wrong, terribly wrong. I owe it to future generations to explain why. It starts with this ... I'm sorry @danielclowes. I want to thank all of you who have written in and created groups and protested. Even though I wish I hadn't made so many of you angry. I sincerely apologize for my lapse in judgment & I do take full responsibility for my actions, which were mine alone. I did not intend to hurt or offend anyone with my choice of words, but clearly I have - and for that I am deeply sorry. Words are important. I lifted the text, probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago. When you’ve made a mistake you should apologise. But more importantly -- most important of all -- you’ve got to learn from your mistakes.
Okay, sounds like he's legitimately sorry, right? And he assures us he's not doing this for attention:
I am sorry for the hurt and pain that my actions caused. This is not a publicity stunt.
Oh, and he's also sorry for the tweets that were straight-up copied and pasted from other sources:
I am sorry for all the plagiarized tweets, they all were unintelligent, ambiguous and needlessly hurtful.
But wait, there's more:
You have my apologies for offending you for thinking I was being serious instead of accurately realizing I was mocking you.
That statement's so tortured I had to sound it out syllable by syllable. He's sorry we're so stupid we didn't realize we were being mocked by all those apologies? All righty then.
On New Year's day, LaBeouf shared this:
CLOUD: - vapor floating in the atmosphere - remote servers used to SHARE DATA - to make LESS CLEAR or TRANSPARENT pic.twitter.com/jw9JlEi791— Shia LaBeouf (@thecampaignbook) January 1, 2014
He'd literally hired World Wide Sky Advertising to sky-write a five-mile long message over LA: "I am sorry Daniel Clowes." But ... so is he really sorry, or what? Since the news broke that his film was plagiarized, LaBeouf has tweeted 17 apologies, all of which were stolen from previous apologies made by actors, directors, bloggers, and more. Is this all some sort of performance art stunt, or does LaBeouf just have a Whack-a-Mole game where his brain should be?
The world may never know, but last night he shared the following with BleedingCool.com:
In the 21st century there is NO personal language. Just personal selection of language. (...) Authorship is censorship. Should God sue me if I paint a river? (...) It’s not plagiarism in the digital age -- it’s repurposing. Copyright law has to give up on its obsession with “the copy” Should creation have to check with a lawyer?
By the way, BleedingCool.com is currently working on sussing out the various plagiarisms made by LaBeouf in that interview.
I'm not sure what will ultimately happen to Shia LaBeouf as the result of this whole thing (hopefully a juicy lawsuit from Clowes, at minimum), but I have to give him points for the absolute douchiest excuse ever made for stealing. I mean, I thought he was an awful person before, but now? WELL DONE, SIR. WELL DONE INDEED.
Scale of 1 to OMG He Is the Worst Jesus Eff Just Stop Already, how do you feel about Shia LaBeouf these days?
Image via Twitter