cynthia baileyI don't know why we have spent three full episodes in Savannah, but tonight's episode proved that it was at least one episode too many. Oh sure, we finally got a taste of that savory Savannah's noir-Gothic side with a drag show courtesy of superstar The Lady Chablis. That was a vulgar, dee-lightful highlight to be sure. But all this time away from home has everyone on edge -- and not in a fun way. In a weepy, let's all hug kind of way.

Seriously. The entire first half of the episode was dedicated to a veritable sports stadium-type wave of tears. First Cynthia Bailey was bawling because NeNe Leakes began preaching about locking up Cynthia's daughter's virginity. NeNe. Cynthia was on vacation! She didn't need to be taken to school about the nonsense teens get up to with their low-riding pants, their sexting, and their beliebing, okay? Plus her kid's dating a dude named Arthur. That nerd ain't getting near second base until he is 40.

But the tears didn't stop there. Oh no. Next thing you know, Kenya Moore is crying too! Why? Because SHE WISHES she had a mom like Cynthia instead of having been abandoned as a youth. Ugh, really? Get your shit together, girl. Also that dog is not your child. Dog owners everyone: Dogs are different from babies, if equally cute. 

The cap to this boo-fest? Porsha Stewart began to cry because ... she wishes SHE HAD KIDS. Now I'm crying because I once SAW A KID. Once everyone (minus me) had settled down and enjoyed some cocktails and a little bit of food and some more cocktails -- Porsha then decided it was a good idea to start texting her not-quite-ex-husband Kordell Stewart.

You remember Kordell? The former football player, reviled (and rightfully so) by the entire city of Pittsburgh? He's also known as that controlling jerk who surprised her with a divorce, causing her to quietly imply he was gay at every opportunity. Yeah. She's drunk texting him like a giddy school girl and everyone IS SUPPORTING HER AS SHE DOES IT.

Savannah will turn everyone nuts and also they have giant cockroaches the size of Phaedra Parks' lashes. I wash my hands of it all full stop! Full stop, I say! Just kidding -- it's beautiful and if I were presented with a flight there tomorrow, I'd go with bells! SOUTHERN belles! See what I did there?

What's your favorite Southern city to visit? 

 

Image via BravoTV