Another day, another naked celebrity selfie photo leaked to the Internet. Ladies, ladies, when will you -- wait, this one's a dude? A young guy named Dylan Sprouse who made his fame on the Disney Channel show The Suite Life of Zak & Cody? Oh dear.
I almost didn't want to look at this story because I thought Sprouse was still underage, but it turns out he's 21 now. So: fair game for nude photo mockery, I'd say. Especially when you see how deeply, INCREDIBLY awkward these pictures are. Let Dylan Sprouse -- and Geraldo Rivera, for that matter -- be a lesson to ANYONE considering a naked bathroom mirror portrait: don't. Just don't. Never in the history of EVER has this sort of thing resulted in a sexy, flattering image.
Apparently a (vengeful?) ex-girlfriend of Sprouse's leaked the photos to Twitter over the weekend, at which point they instantly went viral. Here's the first image:
Ha. Haaaaa. HAAAA, oh god. Seriously, there are three really good reasons not to take this kind of photo:
1) Everyone can see your scrody bathroom mirror.
2) Staring intently at the phone screen makes you look even sillier than you already do.
3) When you deliberately curl one arm like that to show off your MASSIVE BICEPS, you invite this sort of response:
I'm not going to include the second, NSFW, underwear-free photo, but if you're absolutely dying to see what Dylan Sprouse looks like when he's naked, cupping his junk, with what appears to be a douchey container of Axe body wash behind him, here you go.
The photos are hilarious, but I have to hand it to Sprouse -- his social media response has been pretty brilliant. Instead of crawling in a hole and DYING, as would be tempting, he's been a good sport about the whole thing. Here's what he tweeted last night:
Whoops, guess I'm not 14 and fat anymore— Dylan Sprouse (@dylansprouse) December 16, 2013
I messed up... but I'd be a fool not to own up to it. Got to move past it I suppose— Dylan Sprouse (@dylansprouse) December 16, 2013
move past it in a sexy way tho ~~ pic.twitter.com/rG7mgjyvZM— Dylan Sprouse (@dylansprouse) December 16, 2013
At least you can't see my third testicle— Dylan Sprouse (@dylansprouse) December 16, 2013
He also changed his Twitter bio to note that he's a "n00d pic dealer," but his twin brother (and Suite Life costar) Cole had the final word:
cold in that bathroom, huh?
Sprouse has since posted a really well-written update to the whole situation on his Tumblr:
First off, I will state that the reason I’m making light of the situation is because I don’t think what I did was wrong. To be blunt, I was proud of my progress in the gym, thought I looked hot, and wanted to share it. (...) I worry somewhat for my artistic integrity, and my academic integrity. Not exactly ideal, but I’m to blame and I’ll look this incident in the eye like a man. I did it, but I’d be damned if I didn’t own that shit like Beyonce would want me to.
It seems to me that the majority of people are actually praising this act as some sort of device to receive fame (or infamy). Why? I have no clue, I don’t entirely condone it though. I’ll make it clear my intent was for this not to happen, and how it has affected me so positively is an enigma to me that rings true of the human condition. Maybe people just like to see others mess up? I’m German by blood, so I feel you on that.
Well, Dylan Sprouse handled things as best he could, I'd say. And when he got done with that and put down the cameraphone, his public response wasn't half bad either! (Ba-dum tssss.)
What should Dylan Sprouse get for Christmas this year: a thicker pair of boxers, or a bottle of Windex?
Image via Twitter
Going to baseball games
Riding bike rides in the nice weather
Playing outside after work/school
Going for walks outside