Rosemary's BabyIf you were to tell me there was a movie reboot of Rosemary's Baby in the works, I'd probably get all huffy and launch into my tiresome screed about how Hollywood's reluctance to take a risk on original stories is inexorably turning the film industry into a never-ending series of watered-down remakes cranked out by franchise-driven, profit-slobbering studio execs (I will make an exception for the new Godzilla trailer, because it looks bitchin'), but guess what? It's not a movie version of Rosemary's Baby that's happening, it's a TV VERSION.

Of course, there still might be something salvageable in that news, assuming it was an HBO project or even AMC or FX. But no. It's NBC who announced the remake. NBC, who apparently wasn't happy taking a giant steaming crap on The Sound of Music, has sunk their teeth into yet another classic story, only this one's about as unsuited for network television as it's possible to be.

"But maybe an update of a 1968 classic horror film doesn't HAVE to have blood and gore and non-prime-time content about a baby being the Antichrist and a creepy rape scene and an iconic actress it's impossible to replicate in order to be successful," you may be saying. Well, you're right about one thing, it's not a remake of the famous Polanski movie: this miniseries is based on the Ira Levin novel. Here's the official description:

Rosemary’s Baby is a four-hour updated retelling of the bestselling novel by Ira Levin that was later adapted as a feature film about devil worship and the complex relationship between a young husband and wife. In the new version, the couple lives in Paris where this edge-of-your-seat thriller unfolds.

According to the president of NBC, this is all part of a master plan for the network to broadcast more miniseries and event programming:

As we move into the event movie and miniseries space, Rosemary's Baby represents the kind of attention-getting, surprising project that will make noise for us. The story has been updated and moved to Paris, but it's faithful to the spirit of Ira Levin's classic novel. This is a compelling tale wonderfully told.

A compelling tale wonderfully told? Right. Because horror stories adapted to TV series are always so awesome. Freddy's Nightmares, Bates Motel, Under the Dome ... nothin' but net on all those bad boys, right?

NBC can tout the fact that it's more faithful to the original book all they want, but no matter what, people are going to compare it to the movie. You know -- the movie often referred to as one of the best horror films ever made, that's heavily influenced countless films since, including Black Swan. Whatever atrocities NBC wields upon the story to make it work for a four-hour miniseries, the TV version of Rosemary's Baby is undoubtedly going to suck. But hey, as long as it's an "attention-getting" project given free press by outraged horror fans who ...

Wait.

Damn you, NBC. Damn you to hell.

What do you think of this miniseries? Do you think it's doomed, or are you interested?


Image via Paramount