Hey, remember those insufferable douchebags who were once on a television show and then managed to carve out a sort of D-list celebrity status via relentless famewhoring and a crap-ton of plastic surgery? I am of course talking about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, and if you've been wondering what their life is like lately (and who HASN'T been?), the answer is unspeakably tragic.
And by "tragic," I mean "incredibly hilarious and steeped in delicious schadenfreude," because Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are confessing that they've had a serious wakeup call ... now that they realize they are not Jay Z and Beyoncé. As they APPARENTLY BELIEVED THEMSELVES TO BE.
Honestly, I don't know what unholy deal with the devil these two made in order to continue being relevant enough to be interviewed, but anyway, they did a recent interview in which they confessed their lifestyle has been downgraded in a variety of upsetting ways now that they're not earning any reality show paychecks. Here's the scoop from Spencer:
We were immature and we got caught up. Every time we’d go out to eat, we’d order $4,000 bottles of wine. Heidi was going to the mall and dropping $20,000 to $30,000 a day. We thought we were Jay Z and Beyoncé.
Oh, that is just adorable. They thought they were talented.
As for Heidi, she's changed, like, completely:
Now I can spend like $100 at Victoria’s Secret. I feel like a different person.
Obviously she's different! Now she's a more down-to-earth person in touch with the things that really matter, like buying new bras for her most recent breast surgery, which she had filmed for an E! special.
Spencer also shared that he isn't actually anything like the person he appeared to be on The Hills:
I didn’t realize people would only know me as that character. It was just a persona I played up to make a paycheck.
I wonder what persona they're playing up these days, now that they've been trying to promote their "imaginary show," which involved the following tweets from Heidi:
1 reason we're trying to get fit is Spencer & I are trying to conceive. An Aura Baby is a product of the soul born out of the bio-chemistry of the universe! An Aura Baby isn't the child of your fame, not YOUR Aura & NOT Aura like when they say a painting has an Aura. An Aura Baby is born of 1 thing -- the love of 2 people channeled & focused to go out to the whole world!
Oooooookay then. Well, good luck with everything, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I'm sure you'll be back to Jay Z and Beyoncé status any day now.
What does $30,000 a day at the mall even buy you? Like, a trillion Claire's earrings?
Image via valli_girl/Flickr
Going to baseball games
Riding bike rides in the nice weather
Playing outside after work/school
Going for walks outside