robert pattinsonWe hear a lot of crazy stories about Robert Pattinson here at The Stir. Like that he's getting back together with Kristen Stewart, which is so absurdly untrue I can actually picture Robert Pattinson rolling his eyes at the suggestion. I mean, wouldn't you love to see his facial expression every time he hears another insane rumor about himself? I can imagine his face must be sore from grimacing. In fact, I can imagine Robert Pattinson making a different face for every rumor ...

1. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have a "friends with benefits" thing going on. Yeah, probably they do not. I mean, yeech.

robert pattinson

2. No, they're getting married! Um, what????

robert pattinson

3. Rob is taking Dylan Penn to Hawaii to "get to know her better." Yeahhhh, riiiiight. Like he'd tell.

robert pattinson

4. Even though they supposedly broke up. Who says they were even a coup -- oh never mind.

robert pattinson

5. Rob was almost cast as Christian Grey. OMG, he would NEVER! Horrors.

robert pattinson

6. Rob went on a cocaine bender. Get the fuck outta here!

robert pattinson

7. Rob parties like a rock star, and don't you wish you could party with him? I think he wishes he partied like a rock star, too. He'd love to be that Robert Pattinson.

robert pattinson

8. Robert Pattinson got a goatee -- oh wait, the most disturbing rumor on this list is actually true. NOOOOO!!!!

robert pattinson

Do you believe any of the rumors you hear about Robert Pattinson?