Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart 'Getting Married': See the Announcement (PHOTO)

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robert pattinson kristen stewart getting marriedDid you hear the wonderful news? Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are getting married! Hey, why are you rolling your eyes at me like that? I can't believe you'd doubt me. I happen to have this on the best authority -- the news comes via Life & Style magazine, the print version. And you know what print means: Truthiness, unlike the stuff we make up here in bloggy Internet land. But in case that's not convincing enough for you, I have an even better source. Behold, I, even I, staff writer for The Stir, have been sent their wedding announcement. Do you want to see it? OF COURSE YOU DO!

Here, I'll scan in an image of it for you. I wish you could feel this cardstock. It's creamy and gorgeous, just like the lucky couple. I think they scented the card, too. And the envelope was stuffed with golden star confetti -- that's so Robsten! Squee! Okay, here it is.

robert pattinson kristen stewart wedding announcement

Yeah, it's not true you guys. I don't know why Life and Style would make up such a preposterous story considering these two have been broken up for months. If anything, you'd think it would repel sales. You'd think women would be burning copies of the magazine just for their audacity to rehash that stupid yarn -- except no one cares enough to bother finding matches and a safe place to light a fire. But you know what? I really do have to follow up that bogus wedding announcement with a Robsten bonfire. Because you know what? Here's my real announcement: I WILL NOT BE WRITING ANY MORE POSTS ABOUT ROBERT PATTINSON AND KRISTEN STEWART'S RELATIONSHIP! Finito, stick a fork in me, I am done.

bonfire

And now it's time for me to burn my smudge sticks on this relationship. It's over. OVER, world, OVER!

smudge sticks

Now, can we please all just move on with our lives?

Are you sick of all the stories about Rob and Kristen's relationship?

 

Images via Life & Style, Summit Entertainment, Heidi De Vries/Flickr

kristen stewart, robert pattinson, twilight

35 Comments

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cassi... cassie_kellison

Ya it gets old, but that seems like all the stir cares about.

nonmember avatar Sheryl I

Why can't people just leave them be. If they get back together good for them. If they don't and stay friends or if thet don't get bk together and don't speak that's completely there business !! Good luck to them both for what ever may come

nonmember avatar Ashley

You suck! I seriously believed you! I am done reading your lies!

Marie Peat

Haha! That "card" made me chuckle :D

dirty... dirtymoon

Stir, pleeeeease, for us, GET OVER THEM! I come here to read NEW stories, not Rob and Kristen this, Rob and new love, Rob and Kristen, Kristens broken, They're back! Good greif. Who caresssss! I've tried to resist and not comment on this before, but its super annoying how i see 3 or 4 stories a page on them. 

nonmember avatar Sus

Yes, I will be extremely happy if you quit writing about Rob and Kristen, as most of what you write are lies, and falsehoods. I wish everyone would just leave them alone, and let them figure this out in private. Whatever they decide privately, I support each one of them as actors.

nonmember avatar paula

VERY tired of ppl not just leaving them both alone. idk why the world thinks they NEED them to be a couple they are NOT Edward and Bella. I am actually tired of in the same day seeing on this site they are together one minute and the next they are not. leave them in peace and find out what your own inner problems are that you have to be so fixated on this relationship

nonmember avatar Shannon Mathis

i think yall need to stop lieing about peoples life and if you are going to write let it be the truth

Patricia Rust

The only thing I am sick of is the stir,thank God you will quit writing stuff about them.

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