Last night on The Real Housewives of Miami reunion (PART ONE YOU GUYS THERE IS MORE COMING ON THURSDAY), we bore witness to the blush application heard 'round the world! Somebody must have pointed out to Joanna Krupa that her franchise is in danger of being axed due to extreme blahness, because sister friend kicked it up a notch and THEN some.
She totally went for the group's collective jugular! If the cast was a rat king, they'd be bleeding out as one on the floor right now. If Joanna's not just madly scrambling to keep herself employed, maybe all this hostility is coming from the news that she and Romain Zago still aren't getting their freak on with the regularity to which she is accustomed.
More from The Stir: Marysol Patton Calls Out Lea Black Once & for All
Joanna's not the only one in a need of turning out. Alexia Echevarria won't comment on hers, and Lisa Hochstein bitterly complains about Dr. Lenny being "tired all the time." Look, I've read He's Just Not That Into You, I'm sure Lisa is familiar with the concept. Girl, you gotta rectify the bedroom problems! Additionally, we learn that Lea Black and Adriana De Moura have great sex lives and I vomit into the brown paper bag I have held in reserve for this reunion all season. Ladies, I don't seek to undermine your healthy sack-time, but you are too classy to indulge in such piffle. (Lea, CALL ME, LET'S HANG OUT.)
Before I discuss THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE SHOW, I want to briefly take a minute to discuss the fact that Lisa Hochstein is from Canada. I was all "Lol? What? Like where the Ginger Ale comes from?" I continued my lol'ing when she bemoaned her troubles as an immigrant. Girl, you are my favorite:
I tried to hold on to these warm feelings, but to no avail. Because Joanna Krupa quietly began annihilating the room! She really homed in on her supposed best friend and front-bottom-touching-partner Lisa! She said Lisa couldn't get pregnant because she partied too much, and also that she married for money. So basically, Joanna Krupa is ... the devil? To make matters worse, she employed her makeup artist to mess with Lisa's head by repeating, "No talent, no money" over and over again at her. It was like high school meets Toddlers and Tiaras meets probably what hell is like -- and I LOVED IT.
Did you think Joanna Krupa's rage came out of nowhere?