Every morning Taylor Swift wakes up and throws some putrefying shark meat into the cage under her bed where she keeps Ed Sheeran. Then she wonders what she can do that day to make her life appear to resemble a romantic teen comedy of the early aughts. Sometimes she has to go out to the garden to do this because Ed's screams for help are so loud.
Her most recent scheme is a good one. Taylor has been 'invited' to perform at a benefit gala hosted by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. That's right, y'all! Taylor and our favorite royals could very soon come face to face. What do you think Kate Middleton's favorite Taylor Swift song is? My money is on "Red."
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It seems that in addition to being very excited about the chance to meet William, Kate, and their crew, she is also exceptionally nervous about behaving properly and has essentially been nervously stammering at all reporters a variation of the following: "I guess I'll just shake their hands? I DON'T KNOW YOU GUYS."
I think we all know what Taylor's really nervous about -- meeting Prince Harry. Fun fact, Prince Harry's favorite Taylor Swift song is also "Red" but because he believes it is about him.* An interesting film would be one wherein Taylor Swift and Jon Bon Jovi (who is also slated to perform) fall deeply in love, destroying their lives in the process. But that's not the sort of movie Taylor Swift wants her life to be. The idea of her wooing and then marrying Prince Harry couldn't be more on brand. Check yourself, Cressida Bonas -- there's a red-lipped serial monogamist headed your way!
I mean, even if Harry wasn't smoking hot**, I think Taylor would go for him. Because she is Taylor Swift and he is LITERALLY A PRINCE. Poor, poor Ed Sheeran. I can practically hear him shaking his manacles and wailing from here, "But I am also an English Ginger!" Taylor can't hear him. She's too busy wondering if it would be weird to start quietly buying up Grace Kelly memorabilia.
Do you think Taylor has ulterior motives for her trip to meet the royals?
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*Or so I quietly theorized this morning over a poorly toasted English muffin -- COINCIDENCE, I THINK NOT MY FRIENDS.
**Not a concern