big tips texasDo you have a favorite dirge? If the answer to that question is 'yes' (and it should be), I advise you to begin singing it now. Because I feel like the death of Big Tips Texas is only a minnow-bomb away from becoming a reality. It's a shame because my hopes were as high as the hair on the surliest bartend-ress at Red Neck Heaven

The show began as something compelling and odd. Sure, the meat of each episode was entirely dependent on the bickering of the women, and that was far from pleasant. But what it lacked in plot originality, it made up in outright oddness. Girls merrily drinking down live fish? Chewing tobacco and talking about their rodeo dreams? Girls peeing in bushes? Yes. Yes to it all. 

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But the episodes lost their original spark when they were halved by 30 minutes and pushed back to 11 p.m. There isn't enough time to live with the 'characters.' The show could have been elegantly drawn portraits. Now it's just caricatures, too much eye shadow, and riddled with scorpions.

Manager Typhani made the whole team go camping in an effort to bond and presumably to fill the 22 minutes slotted for the show. It was forced and terrible. Everyone was wearing glow in the dark ornaments as though they were sitting in the chill room at a rave. Fake apologies were made, fake tears were wept, and at least one very real scorpion was murdered. Were it not for the insect slaying, I'd think they were wrapping up the whole season.

The only thing more bizarre than this outing of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantlessness (yeah, not my best work) was Morgan's weird dinner with Chance's dad. The dude is married to a woman Morgan's age. Mr. Chance's dad fake-yelled at Morgan about working at a trashy bar and she fake-angrily stormed out of the house. Who knew barrel racing was so dramatic? That question was rhetorical and tricksy BECAUSE IT IS NOT DRAMATIC.

I am 99 percent sure that Chance is related to none of the people pictured and that maybe MTV just put a gaffer in a hat and tossed a cow-skin on the floor of a sound-stage. It was that forced. Next week we're promised Mimi drama, but unless she kills a man and recruits her coworkers to hide the body, I cannot imagine it being very compelling.

Have you given up on Big Tips Texas or are you still watching?

 

Image via MTV