Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump are never going to be friends again. Let this be a lesson to all you would-be Housewives out there. If a producer ever approaches you and your best friend about being on a reality show, here is something you might want to consider -- do you plan on staying friends with this best friend? If the answer is yes, back far, far away from the producer -- maybe throw acid at him? Because friendship is one of the many values torched in order to keep the flame of a reality career burning brightly before, like all other matches, someone pees on it to extinguish its tiny, quickly forgotten spark.
On the season premiere of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it became clear that the union of Richards-Vanderpump is no more. Well, it became apparent to us. Sadly Kyle seems to be a step behind, lost in the magical gumdrop kingdom of denial.
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"YOLANDA IS A LIAR!" she yells from between the candy trees. Lisa will not hear her. It was like a breakup that everyone but the dumpee saw coming a mile away. Even her daughter was like, "Dude, mom, you've got to stop trying." It would have been heart-rending had it not also been delicious to watch. Kyle was all "Lisa said this thing and she was smiling -- but it was not a compliment!" Welcome to the day Kyle Richards learned what sarcasm was. Welcome one and all. Kyle -- friends don't let friends pat each other on the head like tiny dogs. That is all.
The stage was also set for Brandi Glanville to rise in my estimation to being heretofore known as THE GREATEST. I want a hot realtor boyfriend to bang! I want to snidely shoot down the trollop who stole my ex with one swift verbal blow! Brandi! When did you become the greatest?! She treated the interlopers from SUR catereing Kyle's event with the same level of disdain I felt when I saw them sneaking onto the show. Brandi, girl, you're a tall, no-nonsense dreamy drink of water and I think this season you are my best friend.
ALTHOUGH with the additions of the newbies I might be throwing a lot of different accolades around vis-a-vis my faves. Observe the English Carlton Gebbia who could probably rip my arms from my body. I love anyone who makes a statement like "I don't like to judge" while judging the hell out of everyone. This is only more true when the judge has named her children Destiny, Mystery, and Cross. And not one joke was made about that. Nope. To each their own, I say! I am going to name my kids, Brilliantine, Will Ferrell, and Macaque!
It's not even episode two and the new cast members are already not jiving. This is acceptable to me since the other newbie, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven (yes, really), referred to her manwich as her "baby." She also has more hair than is acceptable coming from her head. Joyce looks like a My Little Pony I would not have wanted to buy. She also called her dude's disco-stick his peepee. More than once. This pleased me. CARRY ON, BEVERLY HILLS. CARRY ON.
Which one of the new cast members do you like the most?
Image via BravoTV.com