britney christWho knew the music of Britney Spears was so ... versatile?? Remember when, not very long ago, we told you about how the merchant navy blasts Britney Spears songs at top volume from military vessels to deter Somali pirates? Well, that's not the only non-dancing purpose for the pop star's hits, apparently -- tunes like "Oops! I Did It Again" and " ... Baby One More Time" are now being used to tell the story of Jesus Christ. SPEARS: The Gospel According to Britney is an original musical by Patrick Blute set to premiere November 7 in NYC, and it's being billed as possibly "the greatest story ever told to the greatest music ever written.”

Um ... HOLY SH*T. 

Perhaps your head is swimming with the implied contradictions and profound WTF-ness of this idea? Here, Blute's explanation should clear a few things up for you:

These are Britney’s lyrics. These are Jesus Christ’s images ... The Britney Spears you see is not Britney Spears. Remember that. The Jesus Christ you read is not Jesus Christ.

These are manifestations. Accounts through the media, through the words of followers, of friends, of foes, of villains, of heroes, of liars, of biases. It’s a falsehood that people believe fame and fortune create happiness. That all ‘deaths’ receive a resurrection. I hope this project will show you otherwise through the power of listening and the power of forgiveness.

Oh! Well then. Now I get it. Except, NO I DON'T GET IT AT ALL. I dunno, is it just me? Does this whole starlet/Messiah mashup concept make sense to everybody else? Maybe more playwrights should be pushing this type of envelope: GAGA: The Teachings of Gandhi as Told by Lady Gaga. YOU BETTER TWERK: Buddhism by Way of Miley Cyrus.

It's Jesus Christ, b*tch. 

And that's all I have to say about that, I think. What else IS there to say?? 

Would you buy tickets for SPEARS: The Gospel According to Britney?


Image via Ernest/Flickr/Jacqueline Burt