It's only the second episode of season 3, and I'm really worried about JWOWW, guys. She just can't seem to win these days. Her three little pooches are so completely out of control she has to bring them to a dog trainer, but the minute she does -- they become comatose angels in the presence of their new dog whisperer. A total slap in the face on the part of her furry frenemies. And it seems she lacks that same control at home where, no matter how loudly she screams about it, she can't seem to get what she needs from fiance Roger. Can someone please give this girl a hug?
In a nutshell, here's what JWOWW wants: affection, tenderness, and to make soap opera-style love. Here's what Roger wants: more intimacy -- aka more oral sex and for JWOWW to let him have "hiney sex," my favorite phrase of the evening, by the way.
But despite the fact that Roger is really, really bad at romance -- he's one of those guys who announces in front of friends that they're going to watch the sunset in order to get in the mood -- in his own goofy and endearing way, he is trying to please JWOWW. When she first mentioned couples' therapy in episode 1, he was all like, hell no. I became worried he might revolt and outright refuse to go. But we all know that Roger is a sweetheart trapped in Thor's body and he will go along with pretty much anything his girl wants.
At therapy, we hear more of the same complaints from this duo. But the look on JWOWW's face clearly tells us this is a major problem for her, while the happy smile on Roger's face tells us ... well, that he really loves his fiance and just wants more oral sex. Hope they can work this out because I actually adore them as a couple.
On to Snooki. Still convinced, even after having a baby, that she and Jionni are playing house by renting a place on the Jersey Shore, they finally leave Jionni's mom and retreat to a big, beautiful home back where it all started. They're both elated to be free from the basement and who can blame them? This new house really is an elegant, grownup version of Snooki's old frat-like Jersey digs. Aside from having sex just once a month -- which made me want to scream at the TV because have you noticed Lorenzo is the calmest baby on earth? Surely they have more opportunities than most to do the deed -- they seem to be extremely happy.
So what does a happy couple have to do to shake things up? Yep, call JWOWW and Roger over so they can be a part of their drama. I'm curious to see what we'll learn about Snooki and Jionni this season, but so far JWOWW has pretty much dominated every scene.
In their honor, let's take a look back at JWOWW and Roger's great romance:
Do you think JWOWW and Roger will be able to work out their issues?
Image via MTV.com