britney spearsNow let's say, for argument's sake, that you're trying to think of a way to keep Somali pirates from attacking your cruise or military ship. (I know, I KNOW, your job has nothing to do with pirates, and if it did, you'd prefer it had to do the sort of pirate that's actually Johnny Depp wearing a costume and hair extensions, but, like I said -- for argument's sake. K?!) Anyway, if for some reason you absolutely had to come up with a pirate deterrent, what would it be?? Would you use: a.) Cannons b.) Other, scarier pirates c.) A crocodile with a ticking clock in its stomach OR d.) Britney Spears?? 

According to the merchant navy, the correct answer is d.) Britney Spears.

Yes, it's true: The U.K.'s merchant navy has found that the best way to keep Somali pirates at bay is to blast American pop music, as the Somalians apparently despise Western culture so intensely. But not just any American pop music -- American pop music by Britney Spears. And not just any American pop music by Britney Spears -- " ... Baby One More Time" and "Oops! I Did It Again," specifically.

(Aww, man! I totally hope they play "Scream and Shout." Can you imagine?? "It's Britney, BITCH!")

Anyway. I swear, swear, swear I'm not making this up. As one officer explained it, "As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney they move on as quickly as they can."

Wow. WOWOWOWOWOW. Britney should get a medal of honor or something, don't you think? And I want to know when the U.S. militay is gonna jump on the Britney Defense bandwagon! Have our Armed Forces thorougly explored this brilliant tactic?? 

Either way, if Britney's smart, she'll find a way to incorporate this whole thing into her Vegas show. Dancers dressed up like pirates, Britney in a military-themed costume ... I can see it now!!

Are you surprised to hear that Somali pirates can't stand Britney Spears?

 

Image via EuPaparazzi/Flickr