Just in case you were all worried? Everything is fine -- with Kim Kardashian's vajayjay, that is. I know, phew, right? Good thing she took the trouble to check as soon as she returned home from delivering North and let us all know. Oh, you didn't hear? On the latest installment of Keeping Up With the Kardashians Kim konfides to Khloe, "When I came back from the hospital the first thing I did was go and look at my vagina in the mirror. It looks better looking than before." Fans, the bar for reality TV stars oversharing has just been lowered. Again.
But wait, there's more! Kim went on to say, "I just want to come out to the world, and be naked and be like, 'I look so hot. I am back.'" Are you cringing now? I sure am. But I'm not here to slag off on Kim's oversharing. I am here to defend it. Yes, really.
Did I say defend? Maybe not so much defend as... oh I don't know. I guess I just want to say I can understand where she's going with this. I mean, sure, there's plenty of trollbait in those two statements, and her claim that childbirth was "so easy!" (I'll admit, I kind of want to slap her for that one, too.) But think about it, what does Kim Kardashian do for a living? She's a reality TV star who gets paid for being a certain kind of sexy and for performing a version of her life for cameras.
Gestating and birthing a baby for Kim is kind of like a concert pianist playing the kife game, Five Finger Fillet -- potentially damaging to her greatest career assests. Yes I said ass. No, I said assets. Well, yes, okay. I did say ass as well. Sexy is her stock in trade, and her value plummeted during her pregnancy thanks to all the jerks who wouldn't shut up about how much weight she gained.
It would have been amazing if Kim had used the opportunity to make big'n'pregnant sexy. I don't know why it didn't occur to her -- maybe it did, and she just couldn't ever quite sell it. Who knows. I'm not saying she's an awesome role model or anything. I'm just saying, I understand why she'd be so concerned about her hotness right after giving birth. It's not like she can fall back on her astrophysics degree if the reality TV thing doesn't work out.
And anyway, in her own Kardashian way she's expressing something many of us, deep down, worry about, too: Can we still be desireable after having a baby?
As for how her vagina looks "better than before" -- uh, if you say so. I have no idea what makes a vagina attractive. I figure any disease-free vaj is pretty darn super and the rest is just window dressing. I don't even know what that last sentence means. This paragraph makes me so uncomfortable. But hey, at least she's willing to look. When was the last time you held a mirror (or phone camera, no judgment) to your ladyparts out of curiousity?
In konclusion, Kim Kardashian is merely our culture's shadow archetype for our collective fears about remaining sexual and attractive after we become mothers, that's all. It's not like we can all be uber-strong feminists who don't give a rat's ass about conforming to society's expectations for women. Now that Kim's put it all out there we can process our own similar anxieties however we see fit (even if it's by doing the exact opposite of what she does) and move on. Another reality TV star helps a nation heal. The end.
Do you think it's weird to check out your own vagina, or have you ever done that before?
Image via Rune Hellestad/Corbis