After five Sons of Anarchy episodes that weren't even remotely pleasant, one that was better but still kind of meh, last night we finally got a really watchable show that delivered everything I wanted it to: humor, legitimate drama, and a whopping twist I didn't even REMOTELY see coming. Plus, many more affectionate glimpses of Venus Van Dam's magnificent hooters.
There was a lot going on in episode 7, titled "Sweet and Vaded," but the biggest surprise of the night came from Tara. Just when you think there's no way she can possibly get on Gemma's level, Tara plays a trick so dirty, the mighty biker matriarch doesn't even see it coming.
If you're caught up with last night's Sons of Anarchy, let's talk about some of the biggest developments.
Nero. The DA -- still rocking the braids, which has done wonders for the no-neck situation her wig had mysteriously created -- comes by jail to remind him that his rap sheet doesn't look good, despite recent good behavior. She offers him a deal: if he agrees to connect the Sons to the school shooter's KG-9 machine gun, she'll cut him loose. Going for the low blow, she mentions his son, and Nero looks gutted. Uncool, hood sista.
Venus Van Dam. Can we talk about Nero's FANTASTIC nervous giggle when Gemma first tells him about meeting Venus? If I didn't already have a huge crush on Jimmy Smits in this show, that would have done it right there. Nero freaks out bigtime when he hears that Venus's mother Alice has Venus's nephew Joey, though, and he insists Gemma help get the kid away. This leads to yet another wonderful moment when Tig spots Venus waiting at the ice cream shop/temporary clubhouse. OMG, HIS FACE. BEST. "Maybe she's here for the banana split," he says dreamily.
Venus tells an appalling tale of sexual abuse at the hands of her mother Alice, and the gang decides to pay her and her goons a visit to reclaim Joey. A fight/chase scene breaks out (air guitar!), and we learn that Joey is actually Venus's son, thanks to onetime "clumsy act of confused love" between Venus (Vincent) and his (her) (this is getting confusing) best friend Lula. Everyone moves on to Alice's kiddie porn studio, the Happy Carousel, where 1) Joey lies drugged, and 2) there is a camera pointing at a crib. Ugh. How many heinous porn studios are IN this goddamned town? Like the Iranian torture porn studio storyline wasn't bad enough?
Anyway, long story short: Alice unleashes a hateful diatribe against Venus, but it's Jax who seems to be absorbing the brunt of the verbal attack. As Alice spits evilness about how when Joey finds out who Venus really is, "He'll grow up hating you, hating your lies, hating the life you forced him into, and hating himself," Jax is clearly thinking of his own sons, and finally can't take it any more: he puts a bullet in Alice's head.
Tara. We get an early hint at what's to come: Tara's seen drawing her own blood, and Margaret gently advises her that while what she's about to do "may feel extreme," Tara needs to keep her eye on the prize. The plan is finally revealed when Wendy visits Gemma to tell a convincing story about how Tara has picked Margaret to be the boys' guardian and she's planning to cut Gemma and Wendy out of the boys' lives altogether. For a hot second I actually buy it, but then Gemma goes on a rampage against Tara in a VERY public location and ohhhhhhh, I see. Tara rushes to a room and crams the bag of blood into her underwear, then as Gemma furiously confronts her again, Tara smashes herself Fight Club-style into the side of a desk. Blood comes seeping through her dress as Tara collapses into tears and Gemma stares in confused shock. Security arrives, and Gemma's led away (not before making eye contact with a shifty-looking Wendy), and Tara weeps that she wants Jax.
In the final moments, Tara's in a hospital bed (side note: when did she get rid of the bag? Wouldn't the doctors be able to tell she wasn't pregnant in the first place?) telling Jax she lost their baby girl. Baby GIRL? This is so cold I can't even believe it. Jax, shellshocked, agrees that Gemma can't be around the kids anymore. The lawyer appears as if by magic, and as Jax signs the documents we never thought he'd willingly agree to in a million years. The lawyer's face is a study. My interpretation is that she thinks Tara's just signed her own death warrant.
Whatever happens from here, this was Tara's Rubicon, there's no going back from this deception. What was it that Unser said last week? "You're spinnin' a lot of plates there, sweetheart." INDEED.
What did you think of last night's episode? Are you still rooting for Tara, or was her gambit too dirty?
Image via FX