Boy, have things changed since Jersey Shore! Not only did we learn on last night's season 3 premiere episode of Snooki & JWOWW that JWOWW is having sex with Roger just once a week, but poor Snooki is only "smushing" with Jionni once a month. That's the equivalent of once a decade on a real-life couple's sex calendar. Anyway, it turns out that Snooki and Jionni aren't the problem. With the exception of having to live with Jionni's mom -- which anyone can understand would be a romance killer -- they actually seem super stable! They joke around, massage each other, and appear to be making baby Lorenzo, who is a cutie pie, crazy happy.
JWOWW's the one with 99 problems here ...
The former relationship ice princess practically loses her marbles when Roger jokes that he would give away her precious pups if she died tomorrow. Jeez, laugh woman, he's funny! Instead, JWOWW takes this comment as a sign that she and her live-in lover are on rocky ground. She snaps at him, "Why am I dating you? This is why we're not getting married."
Not content to just give his girl a peck on the forehead and leave so she can cool off, Roger dives right into marriage talk -- bad, terrible move, Roger -- and explains that he isn't ready to get married tomorrow. JWOWW admits she, too, isn't ready, which is complete B.S., but says she still wants to hear that her man would marry her that weekend if a minister just happened to show up at their door. She determines that their relationship is filled with negativity and they need couples' therapy to sort out their issues. She calls and makes an appointment for them without telling Roger and then has to break the news to him.
I think we can all guess how this is going to turn out judging by his feeling that couples' therapy is "the thing people do right before they get divorced." To be fair to him, he tries to keep things light and fun with JWOWW and you can tell he really cares for her -- he's just not ready to get married yet. I predict by the end of this season, he'll put a ring on her finger.
Back to Ms. Responsibility, a.k.a. Snooki. Despite having earned millions of dollars on Jersey Shore, we're expected to suspend disbelief and buy the fact that she and Jionni are being forced to live like captives in her mother-in-law's house. Okay, I'm willing to go along with this ruse. Jionni's mom seems nice enough, she's just always around when they want to get intimate, and Lorenzo's toys simply do not fit in the same closet as Snooki's shoe collection.
So they concoct a plan to rent a house on the Jersey Shore for the summer so their family of three can "play house," as Snooki calls it. Jionni is scared to tell his mom, and for good reason -- when he does she responds by saying she's going to be there every day. Is sitcom music running through your head too? Now if they can only get Deena and Mike "The Situation" to come back and spend the summer as Snooki's nannies, this season will be perfection.
Here's a sneak preview of the first episode of you missed it:
Did you watch last night's premiere? What did you think of the episode?
Image via MTV.com