I sat down to watch this week's episode of Big Tips Texas fully prepared for the spectacular hot-mess of the premiere to be a one-off. I am so pleased to report that I was wrong. The girls leaped off the screen to battle with their bosses, each other, and the people they were trying to buy horses from off of Craigslist. Bliss, booze, and barrel racing, y'all. That's what life's all about. Larry McMurtry said that. Kidding, it was Cormac McCarthy.*
This week, arch-enemies Morgan Adler and Amber Rosales put aside their differences to join forces and fight a common enemy. Also, petite Macy Needum showed off her squatting skills and gains a new equally pint-sized work-friend in Mimi. Sadly, the future at Redneck Heaven doesn't look great for little Mimi who made the mistake of checking out the wrong girl's boyfriend. Cowboys! They aren't worth it, guys.
Maybe my favorite moment of the whole episode was when Morgan invited all the new girls over to go shooting. Not only was her virtually silent grandfather adorable (albeit in a silent, creepy way), but the girls were like something out of a John Waters film. Macy in particular, popping a squat to shoot a rifle like a pro, blew my mind. No, correction, when all four feet nothing of her decided to follow up this feat by eating an earthworm, that's when my mind became a thing of the past. It was particularly amusing that this grossed out all the girls ... who were quietly chewing tobacco and spitting into red cups. Dipping = AHHHH. Don't yuck someone else's yum, ladies!
The real meat of the episode (other than Morgan weeping about barrel horse racing AGAIN and the poorly named Typhani continuing her feud with Kristen) was when Mimi's passing observation about the hotness of Morgan's boyfriend raised high holy hell. Apparently if there's one thing the girls at Redneck don't like -- it's stealing someone else's man.
Yeah, through the magic of gossip Mimi's casual appreciation of Chase as a type turned into her scheming to steal him away from Morgan. It was bizarre! Especially because Chase, while decent looking, is not like Fabio-hot. (Lol, I used Fabio as a baseline for all hotness. Sigh. I just really like imitation butters, you guys. What can I say?)
Speaking of things that won't endear you to your new co-workers ... Telling them their short shorts are too ... short is not a good plan. Clearly Mimi didn't get this memo as she, in a kiss-ass fashion, railed against Jillian's shorts. Oh HELL no. Look, if my butt looked like hers, you'd be lucky to even get me to wear bottoms of any sort. Don't cross Jillian! She's cut like Linda Hamilton in the Terminator and she can apply eye makeup LIKE A BOSS, SON. Before long, even Amber has put aside her hatred of Morgan to give Mimi a good old-fashioned beat-down. It was nuts! Weaves were pulled! There was running! And slapping! And tackling of a girl who is under four feet tall! I felt very much like this:
Until next we meet, do you think Mimi was wronged or that she was asking for it?
*It absolutely was not.