You guys, super-sexy scandalous news: One of the Real Housewives of Whatnot just posed topless for a calendar and blah blah blah! The end. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to get the recap on this morning's House GOP caucus meeting on the debt ceiling crisis. Aw crap, my editor says I should give you more details on that topless photo. Okay, FINE. Real Housewives of Miama's Joanna Krupa posed topless for her self-published calendar. And can I just say? If you have to publish the calendar yourself, shouldn't you be questioning the marketability of your topless photos?
But I shouldn't knock Joanna's knockers. Just going by the photo in E! News, they seem to be up for the job. (You're welcome Devil, please enjoy my soul, which I have just sold to you.)
Let's see, what else can I tell you about this photo which you have to go over there to see ... It was shot in the Mojave Desert, so even though it's plenty warm still in Miami for going topless, Joanna apparently wanted that desert background for drama or maybe to complement her hair color. You know, sand as accessory. You can buy the calendar from TF Publishing Calendars, which claims Joanna doesn't just want to be a star, she wants to be a role model. Obviously.
There goes 20 of your hard-earned dollars that could otherwise go to a subscription of the New Yorker. (Just kidding, a subscription to the New Yorker costs over twice as much -- but is it even half as much fun? I'll let you decide.)
Anyway, lest you think Joanna does not have enough experience to pull off the challenging job of artfully presenting her flesh for mass consumption, please remember she's posed nude for PETA and can rock a totally sheer top. Also she's seen in various seductive states of undress like all the time, so there's that. We are dealing with a professional here. I don't kid myself into thinking I could pull off the same with my New Yorker-reader-sized boobs. Did I just perpetuate a stereotype? See above re: Devil, soul-selling. But you know who gets to pose topless without selling her soul? Joanna Krupa. Proceeds from her c-c-c-calendar benefit Angels for Animal Rescue.
Do you think Joanna Krupa's calendar will sell well?
Image via Michal Fludra/Demotix/Corbis