Kris Jenner May Be Dating Already & We Don’t Want the Details

Eye Roll 4

kris jennerNow that Kris Jenner is officially-unofficially single, it's time for her to open her box of man chocolates and pick one. Ah, the Whitman Sampler of guys -- you know what Kris would probably like to do: Just take a bite out of every single one and put them all back into the box. AND WHO CAN BLAME HER? Maybe that explains why Kris went out for lunch with the likes of Jason Trawick the other day -- or so we hear. Is Jason too young for Kris? No. Such. Thing.

But even though Kris is clearly out fishing, she can still make time for sushi with daughter Kylie. Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall during that meal? Funny you should ask ...

Kris: So I want to tell you all about my lunch with Jason!

Kylie: Mom, please! We're eating. Gross.

Kris: I think he's really into me. When I mentioned how much I love tuna, he got a special twinkle in his eye ...

Kylie: [Makes gagging sound]

Kris: And I noticed him looking away every time I moved in closer to him. You know what that means, right?

Kylie: You repel him?

Kris: NO! You don't know anything about men. It means my sexual energy was overpowering him.

Kylie: Oh em gee, Mom. Seriously.

Kris: Anyway, after lunch I suggested we stop by the house for "coffee," but he said he had a meeting. He looked really disappointed, too. I think he was actually contemplating blowing off his meeting so I could blow--

Kylie: [Plugs fingers into ears] LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Kris: Oh Kylie, grow up. You know I'm a very sensual woman with certain needs. Your father just wasn't meeting them. And he wouldn't consider an open relationship, so ...

Kylie: I so do not want to have this conversation. Dr. Philburt told you we didn't have to talk about it if it makes me uncomfortable.

Kris: Okay, fine. What else should we talk about, then?

Kylie: Well, there's a lot of stuff going on in my life, too, like --

Kris: Let's talk about who else I should be dating!

Kylie: Maybe you shouldn't be dating anyone. Dr. Philburt thinks you could use some time alone to work on your soul, if you still have one.

Kris: Soul, that gets me thinking ... Aren't people meeting guys at Soul Cycle these days? That's a thing, isn't it? Who Soul Cycles? Bradley Cooper, right?

Kylie: Yeah, Mom, Bradley Cooper is so going to go for you.

Kris: Why not? He's on my short list.

Kylie: You have a LIST?!?

Kris: Yes, I have multiple lists. There's the Potential Quickies list ...

Kylie: I just remembered I have something VERY important to do, Mom. Gotta run. Byeeee. [Literally runs out of the restaurant.]

Kris: Well! I guess some people are just not mature enough to enjoy a little girl talk! [Picks up phone, scrolls through names.] Hey RPattz, I've got time for another quickie if you're around ...

Who do you think Kris Jenner will date?

 

Image via Fairchild Photo Service/Condé Nast/Corbis

celebrity gossip, kardashians

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Momma... MommaCady

Did you seriously just write an entire article on a fictional conversation?

Lilit... Lilith.23

I am dying here! ROFL

WELL!...... You sure have quite the imagination. But it made my Tuesday.

We may judge and bitch and shit but the woman don't care, she gets paid, if she wants to get laid who cares??? Lets stop bashing other people please.

Let Kris be.

Lilit... Lilith.23

I am dying here! ROFL

WELL!...... You sure have quite the imagination. But it made my Tuesday.

We may judge and bitch and shit but the woman don't care, she gets paid, if she wants to get laid who cares??? Lets stop bashing other people please.

Let Kris be.

Sandra Saunders

Hahahahahahahaha. You all have really have nothing to write, but it makes for comical reading.


 

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