I have always said that once I hit 80, I am giving up morality. Safe sex? No drugs? Pah to all these things should I live to become an octogenarian. The day after my 80th birthday, I will open up the shop for business -- my lady bits being the shop. It will be like Springbreakers, only with just me and probably no prolonged Vespa-riding sequences. Sadly this is not the case for MJ, the grandma to our favorite TV clan. This episode, Kourtney and Khloe (with an assist from a drowsy Kim) try to set their grandma up on dates -- but this sassy broad has shut down her chach for all business.
But that's not the extent of this week's hijinks. For lo, the Kardashians come to us with a modern interpretation of a medieval morality play. They have lessons to teach. Those lessons? They are about the dangers of the paparazzi. Spoiler alert: One of those dangers is maybe getting your photo taken when you slip and fall in your own breaking water.
Watching the girls try to set up their adorable grandmother (where did she get those red sunglasses and can I also buy them?) was pretty amazing. Almost solely because it involved a rigorous screening process that almost made Khloe pee with delight. Sadly, their grandmother was having none of it. But, Kim did make a senior citizen buddy for life in one of the dudes named Walt.
The real issue this week was how a heavily pregnant Kim was going to make it to the hospital with all the paps following her everywhere. It's not news that these guys yell some horrific things at the lady. It's also not news that having the paparazzi hound you comes with the territory. The family's pretty well-aware of this. But they're defensive when it comes to the safety of Kim and her baby. Because they are not, you know, robots void of feeling. Between the increasing numbers of photogs and a scary visit to the doctor where she learns she could have the baby any day, Kim finally realizes how serious everything has gotten and takes action, setting a plan up for the day she's due.
Other highlights of the episode include Bruce Jenner veering further into Thinks-He-Can-Control-The-Clouds era Elvis territory by jumping out of a moving car to yell at photogs. I also enjoy how Kim did not slap Leah Felder-Jenner in the face. I get that Leah is all into having a child's voice, doing yoga, and feasting upon tofu, but does she have to hate on Kim for her love of makeup? I mean, yes, it's ridiculous that Kim was planning a full-glam look for her delivery, but who the hell is Leah to get up in her business about it? Instead of saying this, Kim quietly concedes to Leah's point by meeting up with her sans makeup. I would have hit her in the face. Because I'm violent, and, as we've established, only 50 years away from becoming a whorish old woman. #Yolo.
Did you think the paparazzi were out of line?