Two more sleeps until the Walking Dead premiere, zombie fans! To get your motor running for the return of our very favorite character from the show, the man we'd never kick out of bed for eatin' varmint, actor Norman Reedus is currently featured in Us Weekly's mostly-silly-but-kinda-fun "25 Things You Didn't Know About Me" series.
I know, I know, those 25 Things articles are pure fluff, total brain rot. Except come on, this one isn't a starlet's carefully-merchandised "confessions" about what she, like, always carries in her purse (spoiler: it's something from the starlet's skincare line!), it's DARYL EFFING DIXON. And his 25 things are … well, they're kind of hot. Or at least I'm choosing to interpret them that way.
Let's check out Norman Reedus's list, item by décolletage-fanning item.
1. I eat a chocolate bar almost every night before bed.
Look, I hate to be a total female cliché, but are you shitting me right now? I'm only on the first personal revelation and I already need to lie down.
2. I have a weakness for Ancient Aliens.
The goofy pseudoscience History channel series focused on so-called evidence of past human-extraterrestrial contact? Hey, we all have things we're not proud of, Norman. You watch that and I'll watch you. Maybe you could, like, do some pushups while it's on?
3. When I was a kid, 3 was my favorite number because if rotated, it looks like a pair of boobs.
(Every '25 Things' article includes at least one spectacularly lame detail. This is Norman Reedus's. We shall forgive him.)
4. I'm usually very neat.
You don't leave underwear piled next to the laundry hamper and coffee grounds strewn across the kitchen counter? O, BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.
5. Favorite food: macaroni and cheese -- or chocolate.
In an industry where the trend is to enthusiastically declare your devotion to baked kale chips, this is surprisingly refreshing.
6. Least favorite: peanut butter.
I cannot identify with this, Norman, but hey, more for me.
7. Contrary to popular belief, I have way more than just four shirts.
I believe you, but I'm pretty sure you just have that one skinny black tie. Which is totally working for you, by the way.
8. Growing up, The Clash's "Straight to Hell" was always our sing-along song while we washed the dishes. (Hi, Mom!)
Nice! The Story of the Clash, Vol. 1 was the very first LP I ever bought, Norman. You and me, we're like this. *brings two index fingers together, waggles eyebrows meaningfully*
(Trivia time! Did you know "Straight to Hell" is the sampled backing track to MIA's "Paper Planes"?)
9. I've never ridden a horse, except on set.
And yet I bet you did it like a boss.
10. I own about 50 masks.
Okay, that's sorta creepy. Do you wear them, or hang them on the wall, or are they in your Red Room of Pain, or … ?
11. I don't follow any sports teams.
HELL YES I KNEW HE WAS THE PERFECT MAN.
12. My first car was a Karmann Ghia.
Whoah! Separated at birth yet again: my first car was a Toyota Camry!
13. Some of my top movies are Mad Max, Midnight Cowboy and Saturday Night Fever.
Old-school classics? This thirty-harrrrrrumph-year-old approves.
14. My favorite thing to do is lie down.
But chocolate first, right? And then you take off your shirt?
15. I think apple pie-flavored gum is a revolutionary concept and I love it.
You're talking about those Extra Dessert Delights, right? Man, I love that stuff too, but have you noticed how it loses its flavor after like 5 seconds? I prefer Trident Layers because they last longer, even though they don't come in pie flavors. Gosh, I just really feel like we could have a lot of very important gum-related discussions, Norman.
16. I once tried using bacon as fishing bait, but I didn't catch anything.
I'm deducting one hotness point for wasting bacon, but awarding two points for the vision of you manfully casting into sunset-tinged river waters. PS: If you'd been fishing for hipsters in Portland, Oregon, bacon would have been the perfect bait.
17. My best friend is my cat.
I KNOW AND IT KILLS US STONE COLD DEAD.
18. My most essential household tool is the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please let your next magazine photo spread be of you scrubbing a shower wall with a crossbow slung over your back.
19. I prefer to sleep without a pillow.
Listen, if you don't want me to continually sexually objectify you, you're going to have to stop talking about being in bed.
20. When I grow up, I want to be [Walking Dead costar] Scott Wilson.
Who doesn't love Hershel? I mean, for one thing he has the most badass shotgun in the WORLD.
21. I use Siri more often than I'm willing to admit.
I know, right? I ask her stuff all the time.
22. I just got a microwave this year.
23. I still haven't turned it on.
24. I can only cook on a George Foreman grill.
25. One of the most important things I learned how to do this year is poach an egg (not on a George Foreman grill).
I'm lumping these together because I get the sense you were tiring of this Q&A, but let's wrap this up with the assumption that you totally grill some possum on that George Foreman, because you're just that hardcore. Dinner!
All right, I am fully aware of the fact that this whole post was beyond ridiculous, but how excited are you guys for the return of The Walking Dead and Daryl Dixon?
Images via AMC