Tonight was an epic one for TV. Vince Gilligan's incisive series Breaking Bad drew to a dramatic and satisfactory close, and Kim Kardashian quietly whined about the impending shower planned to celebrate the birth of her baby North West. But wait -- there's more, ever so much more!
As Kim dithered and complained about the media scrutiny surrounding the shower (to the cameras filming the TV show about her life), Kylie Jenner and Khloe Kardashian tackled topical issues like gun control and how to hide a giant camel-toe. AMERICA! In the immortal words of Walt Whitman:
Centre of equal daughters, equal sons, all, all alike endear’d, grown, ungrown, young or old, strong, ample, fair, enduring, capable, rich, perennial with the Earth, with Freedom, Law and Love, a grand, sane, towering, seated Mother, chair’d in the adamant of time.
As both Walts Whitman and White spin in their proverbial graves, let us return to the important things we learned from this week's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Although Kim was annoyed with her family for throwing her a shower, ultimately she had a hormonal upswing and changed her mind, choosing cheeriness instead of a foul temper. What prompted this decision? Some video of one of her mom's showers! Aw, feelings! Babies! Hugs! Charities! Side note, I have decided that Kanye West most likely smells like manliness and a lingering hug from Karl Lagerfeld.
Meanwhile, in story-line B, Khloe bemoaned the state of her plenteous labia major. She and sister Kourtney Kardashian spent some time trying to find means of cloaking her impressive femininity but, alas, were unsuccessful. After deciding that the giant vagina lips were inherited from their mother, Khloe opted for self-love instead of self-hate. Always more productive.
Finally, in the horror movie segment of the show, the subject of Bruce Jenner's passion for guns was revisited. (Sadly, there was no discussion about Bruce's hair, which is rapidly becoming sentient.) Kylie and Kris decide the time has come for them (with some collusion from Kris's giant nethers, apparently) to dispose of Bruce's piece. Shenanigans ensued, and Bruce bought Kris a gun to teach her about safety and, presumably, for bizarre and private sex games. Either way, there are now at least two guns in that house, which is outrageous. Because what the Jenner-Kardashian household needs is two firearms. Paging Anton Chekhov, amiright?
Which story-line did you like the most? For me it was Khloe.
Image via E! Online