Is Melissa Gorga endorsing marital rape in her new book, Love Italian Style? Maybe the question should be, is her husband, Joe, endorsing marital rape, since the most objectionable passage comes straight from him. But according to some critics, Love Gorga Style is all about letting your man dominate you. So which is it? Are Melissa and Joe just Fifty Shades of Kinky, or did Melissa’s book go too far? Feeling under attack (big surprise there), Melissa Gorga is defending her book -- and by extension, her marriage -- via Twitter.
Okay, so let’s walk through this. The blog Jezebel pulled out this quote by Joe Gorga from Melissa's book:
Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says "no," turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.
Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.
And then they gave several other examples from the book that make it clear Joe’s domineering personality extends beyond the bedroom. He wants Melissa home when he comes home. He doesn’t want her to travel without him. And yeah, everyone in the household is happier when Joe gets laid on the regular. Melissa considers it maintenance.
Well now Melissa is saying Jezebel took that quote out of context (via Twitter):
I’m so disgusted that a reporter has taken things completely out of context simply for shock value. #SAD
If you’ve read my book, you know that I am promoting mutual love, respect, honesty, and loyalty. #TRUTH.
But did they really take that quote out of context? Kind of seems like they pulled a lot of other content out of her book precisely to give Joe’s quote MORE context. I guess Melissa’s idea of mutual love, respect, honesty, and loyalty are different from my own. But I kind of get what she’s saying ... to a point.
It can be hot for a man to dominate in the bedroom -- if both of you are into that. And many couples are. Some women like having their hair tugged a bit sometimes, though definitely not ALL women do. Some women feel more desirable when their husbands act like cavemen jealously guarding their hot woman property. It’s kind of gross, but it works for some people.
If only Joe hadn’t brought up that troublesome little word, “no.” Melissa talks about how she has to say “no” to Joe’s advances the right way. Actually, anyone who refuses sex but cares deeply about the person they’re refusing should be careful about how they say “no.” But still. Our legal system depends on that tiny word, “no.” That word has major consequences. That word needs a whole lot more respect. And you can lay on all the context you want, you can give endless examples of mutual love and respect, but if you quote your husband saying that he rips his wife’s clothing off when she tells him no, that’s still going to come off as completely rapey.
Maybe Melissa's "no" means "oh all right, if you have to." But she definitely doesn't speak for most women. She doesn't even speak for most Italian women. Maybe we should call the book, Love Resignedly Submissive Style.
Do you think Melissa's book endorses marital rape?