Draw the curtains and bring me my special blanket because Farrah Abraham has sunk to a new, bizarre low. Farrah -- and her strangely vacant expression -- took to Twitter and suggested that all single people should follow her. I don't even. Why? Why, Farrah? Are you going to DM us dating tips? Are you starting some sort of brothel? Better yet, Miss Farrah's Home for the Sad and Alone?
I'm 30 years old and single. You know what doesn't make me feel better about this? Knowing that Farrah Abraham thinks all my problems can be solved by following her on Twitter. In fact, I can think of no better way of ruining a first date than by casually being like, "In my free time? Oh nothing special really, I just sit on my computer and wait for my leader Farrah to tweet something about strippers." If Farrah's going to start randomly insisting that other groups follow her, I've got some suggestions.
After all, it's clear she's looking for new demographics, right? She didn't just insist that all singles bow down before her, she also randomly tweeted ALL OF THE UNITED KINGDOM. With that in mind, here's my brief list of other folks she could enlist to become part of #FarrahNation (... totally not a thing).
1. Circus Performers
If ever she is bored, reaching out to her contingent of circus performer followers is sure to be entertaining to both her and Sofia!
2. Pizza Delivery Guys
No, not for porny reasons -- for pizza reasons! Who doesn't want pizza at all times? Nobody, that's who. With an army of pizza guys, Farrah's just 120 characters away from a hot pie.
3. Drag Queens
Because Farrah has no sense of humor, she can hide behind the witty banter of her drag queen followers. She could probably also learn some pretty stellar makeup tips.
4. Golden Retrievers
What's better than an on-call puppy to cuddle? TRICK QUESTION. The correct answer is not a darn thing.
5. The Spice Girls
I think Farrah could do well to revisit the teachings of the Spice Girls. Girl Power, Farrah! Spice up your life, Farrah. No, I didn't say FILM something for the Spice Channel -- FARRAH COME BACK!
Who else should Farrah ask to follow her on Twitter?
Image via farrahabrahamofficial/Instagram