Open Letter to Farrah Abraham: Why Your New Restaurant Is a Bigger Mistake Than Porn


farrah abrahamOh Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. Miss Farrah Abraham, she of the not-a-sex-tape sex-tape is dipping her toes into a new career pool. Farrah's been quoted as saying she wants to open a restaurant in her current hometown of Austin, Texas.

Austin, the Brooklyn of the Southwest (YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT), is full of affable foodies of the hipster persuasion. When they learned Farrah was attempting to join their ranks, they got together and penned her an open letter. Farrah might have bitten off more than she can chew. The hipsters of Austin are notoriously tough to please. Read on to find out what they had to say for themselves.

"Dear Ms. Abraham,

It has recently come to our attention that you plan on opening a restaurant in the greater Austin area. That's pretty cool. Sorry it took us a while to get this letter together. We were checking on our kombucha mother and arguing over the quality of some bespoke spats.

If you want to be accepted here, you'll have to make a few changes. We noticed that you don't seem to wear a lot of flannel, that's going to have to change. It's either that or maybe incorporate some vests into your wardrobe. Also glasses. Yeah. We noticed you don't have any? They don't need to be prescription or whatever. Just invest in some frames oversized enough to make you look, like, borderline homely.

Now let's talk about the food your restaurant is going to make. We suggest sticking to the classics: Quinoa nuggets, kale ice cream, drinkable protein substitutes, $2 beers, and vegan tacos. While we're talking about it, maybe just sell all of these things out of your car? Because food trucks are huge right now? Gotta go, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is playing a pop-up gig at Rico's house in 20 minutes. You know Rico, right?


All of Austin's Hipsters."

Do you think Farrah's restaurant will make it in Austin?


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bunny... bunnyxlover

that was just stupid...

Sarah Ort

Dear God I know that this has to be "satire", but for what it's worth, I hate hipsters.  I'm cool with vegans and people who have genuine apathy, but when you're an apathetic, self-righteous, vegan, assholee, I seriously hate you.

nonmember avatar S rock

Stupidest letter I've ever read...another reason hipsters suck!

godsg... godsgirl26

Oh gah. This girl is a mess.

nonmember avatar Gina

Hopefully she can open her restaurant and be successful at it. Sophia needs a mom she can look up to and that is a REAL role model, not a porn star. She can't change the things that she has done which will have an affect on her daughter but she can work towards making their lives better/ more stable and less of a media freak show

nonmember avatar melissa

Oh yea right...I'm so sure there's any chance in hell this moron will open up & successfully run a restaurant in Austin. Please. She can't stop playing "STAR" in the strip clubs long enough to do ANYTHING else. Besides, she doesn't have the intelligence nor the personality for it. Narcissistic sociopaths who lie habitually don't usually do well in the restaurant business. Ha! Better stick to porn honey.

Laurie Lyons

If someone is going to write satire, it should at least be smart-flannel shirts in Austin? You know, where it's summer for MOST of the year. Yep, sounds just like a letter an Austin hipster would write.

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