OMG, you guys: Alyssa Milano made a sex tape -- and it's been leaked. Hot mama! You have to see it. It's not at all what we were expecting. She's into some really ... different stuff. Know what I mean? Actually, I don't think you know. It's pretty out there.
Alyssa's sex tape starts out vanilla enough. She and some gorgeous man are hanging out in a hotel in Cabo. Next thing you know, Mr. Gorgeous is lying on the bed in his bath robe, surrounded by rose petals and candles. Ooh, how romantic! And Alyssa just happens to have a camera with her. Time to make a mooovie. She turns the camera on, points it to the bed, and whoa. Let's just say this video is highly educational. Here's what I learned from Alyssa Milano's sex tape.
- The conflict in Syria is between the Sunni Muslims and Alawite Muslims.
- Despite being the minority, Alawites have been ruling over Syria for generations, first through Hafez Assad and now through his son, Bashar al-Assad.
- Assad maintains tight control over his people thanks partly to Russian military support.
- Two-and-a-half years ago a group of Sunni insurgents rose up against the government. The government, in turn, cracked down on its people in a series of increasingly drastic strikes.
- The capital of Syria is Damascus. Much of the conflict is happening there.
- Most recently Assad launched a chemical weapons attack against his own people, killing as many as 1,400 civilians.
- This crossed Obama's "red line" -- the line he said had to be crossed before he'd think about taking military action.
- Obama has asked for Congress' support in making tactical military strikes against the Syrian government.
- We're waiting to see what they decide.
- We wouldn't have seen anything in Alyssa Milano's sex tape anyway, because she and her man were under the sheets the whole time. They sure are noisy, though.
Are you confused? Well, that's understandable. I'm afraid we're dealing with a bit of a bait-and-switch. Alyssa accidentally kicked the camera around and it recorded what's on her TV instead of what's on her bed. So we have this very informative segment on the Syrian conflict -- well, with Alyssa and her beau whooping it up in the background. (Check out Lindsay Ferrier's post for more info on the Syrian conflict. And it looks like a Senate panel has approved the use of force against Syria.) Hey, how else are you supposed to get people to pay attention to international news? Can you blame her for trying?
What did you think of Alyssa Milano's sex tape -- did you learn anything new?
Image via Funny or Die