farrah abrahamIt's not easy being Farrah Abraham. For example, one must navigate one's own language, which has proven to be a colossal challenge for our heroine. Why just the other day, Farrah gave an interview in which she confused the words "feminist," "feminine," and "lesbian." It's understandable, since all three words have to do with ladies. What's a Farrah to do when Miami New Times reporter Allie Conti asks Farrah if she considers herself a feminist?

"I'm pretty feminine. I think so."

"Not feminine," Conti clarifies. "Feminist."

"What does that mean? You're a lesbian or something?"

No, of course that's not what Conti means. "It's a complicated concept," she concedes, "but I guess at its most basic, it means that women are equal to men."

"Oh, I definitely feel that women are equal to men." Farrah replies. "No doubt about that. I mean women should have equal rights to men, every day."

EVERY DAY?!? Not just on Tuesdays? Farrah, you are a radical feminist. And you learned some new words, too! Maybe all Farrah really needs is her own custom dictionary, something to help her keep all these confusing terms straight.

Farrah Abraham's Dictionary

Drinking: In your case, Farrah, this means consuming alcohol of any kind, even if you do not intend to get drunk, even (especially!) if friends are buying you those drinks. See your quote following your DUI arrest: "I was drinking throughout the night but I was just getting drinks from friends and I was not really trying to drink." Nevertheless, you were drinking. Drinks other people pay for still have alcohol in them. Calories, too, FYI.

Elaborate: Not "a library." This is an actual word. It means to explain something. Like if someone asks you if you have a sex tape and you throw back some random words hoping they'll go away. They will not. They will keep asking questions until you say something that kind of makes sense and sounds like an answer to a direct question.

Feminist: The belief that women should have the same rights as men do, get paid the same amount, get the same amount of respect, etc. Like every day and everything. Yay, ladiez!

Feminine: Conforming to gender-specific cultural norms for women. See also: GIRLY.

Lesbian: Ladies who like doing it with ladies. Like, because they're into it for real, and not to entertain men. Doing it with other ladies just to entertain men is not lesbianism, it's straight-man porn.

Or Something: Word soup you can use when you're out of your depth.

Porno: Professionally-produced movie depicting explicit sexual activity. There's usually a producer, director, set, some sort of script.

Sex Tape: When a couple films themselves having sex with each other just for their own enjoyment, not to be shared (ehrm, usually). Amateur movie, as opposed to professionally-produced movie like Farrah Superstar Backdoor Teen Mom. We know you and James didn't make that porn all by yourselves just for your mutual pleasure. It's kind of obvious.

Wean: When you get your child to stop something permanently, like when Sophie quit the pacifier and you wrote a book about it. Oh wait, apparently she's still on the passy, so no. Not weaned.

What other words should we include in Farrah's dictionary?

 

Image via Farrah Abraham/Twitter