Farrah Abraham's Sex Novel Will Make '50 Shades' Look Like Shakespeare

LOL 3

farrah abrahamI guess you've heard the news about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie casting, right? Oh geez, don't yell at me! I know -- we're all disappointed. I don't mean to rub it in. I just bring it up because where the rest of us saw some baffling decision making, one woman saw a golden opportunity. This weekend, Farrah Abraham read those headlines and wondered, Now how do I make this about me? Dingdingdingdingding! (Yes, that bell actually goes off in her head.) I know! Farrah thought to herself. I'll bring up that epic romance novel I'm supposedly writing and compare it again with Fifty Shades! And that's how we got our golden Farrah quote of the week: "Fifty Shades of Grey is gonna have their money."

Oh Farrah. 1. What?!? 2. I think you mean "my epic romance is gonna give Fifty Shades a run for its money." But I could be wrong, because Lord knows what the hell is going through your brain. Maybe you mean you paid E. L. James to write your epic romance for you, which also makes no sense. At any rate, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

No scratch that. I like laughing. Do go on.

Tell us all about how your book is going to out-sexxx and out-sell Fifty Shades. Tell us how your wonders of grammar will make James' prose sound like Proust. Tell us about the plot lines that will tangle hopelessly, the profundity of your dialogue. ("Ooh baybeee." "Yesss, yesss.") Tell us all about how your book will fly off the shelves not just because it's a novelty, but because it's a novelty with staying power.

You know what? I think Farrah should just hire me as the ghostwriter. I KNOW she's not writing it herself because she has trouble enough stringing together a coherent sentence. I would actually love the chance to give Fifty Shades of Grey a run for its money.

Do you think Farrah Abraham's novel will compete at all with Fifty Shades?

 

Image via Farrah Abraham/Twitter

fifty shades of grey, teen mom

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Lucia Bevilacqua

That title is rather misleading. This article didn't even compare her erotic novel to Fifty Shades; it just quoted a tweet. What if Farrah didn't mean to say anything about her own novel in that tweet, just that Fifty Shades of Grey would have its money? I think you're reading too far into things.

Nicole Cressey

oh of course it's Farrah...so sick of hearing about her...i will never ready anything she writes...

Latisha Lafosse

i knew the second I saw this thing on my facebook wall about a teen mom writing a dirty novel that it was this bitch. She is forever trying to keep herself in the spotlight no matter the cost. No matter if he skanky ways get her daughter made fun of years from now. People NEVER think about that shit, never think how their decision will affect their kids in the future or that moment. Smh!

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