Lea Michele's New Smiling Photos Don't Mean She's Not Grieving

Heartbreaking 17

Lea MicheleLea Michele's touching tribute to Cory Monteith at the Teen Choice Awards showed not only how devastated she is, but how much she is determined to recover and to find solace in friends and fans who also loved Cory. She continues living her life by filming Glee and working on her forthcoming book Brunette Ambition. Some new photos she posted on Instagram show her getting her makeup done and getting her wavy mane of chestnut hair styled. Unfortunately, some people have chosen to criticize this as a sign that the actress isn't really grieving.

Honestly, Lea would have been criticized no matter what she did. If she walled herself away from the world, wore mourning garb, and never left her bedroom (what people did only a century ago, after all), everyone would say that she's given up or is being overly dramatic.

If she was photographed crying, the critique would be that she's milking her grief.

But pics of her looking glamorous and happy are harped on as not sufficiently sad and depressing.

Seriously, people, WTF? Everyone grieves differently, and grief is a process, a journey. Some days, some moments, you feel normal again. Then it all comes crashing down on you. You might take a photo where you are smiling and appear ecstatic, and 10 seconds later, you are crumpled on the floor. But people only see the smiling photo.

I learned never to judge another person's reactions to shock and tragedy when, several years ago, I got one of the biggest, most devastating shocks of my life. I cried all night, hysterically. But three days later, I was out drinking with friends and cracking jokes. And even flirting with a guy.

Later that night, back in my room, I cried all night again.

But if anyone had taken photos of me out at a bar with my friends, they would have said, "Oh, she's not upset at all!"

It was the exact opposite. I felt if I stayed home with my grief, I would disappear. Something compelled me to get out and try to at least feel a smidgen of normal for even a moment. Intellectually, it made no sense. Emotionally, it was what I was compelled to do. It's called survival. Those of us who are still around and kicking have survival instincts, and those instincts kick in when you're ready to off yourself.

This is why I didn't even judge Casey Anthony after she was photographed partying when her daughter disappeared. Did I think it was something I would do? No. But I don't judge, I just don't judge, because I don't know what anyone is feeling. (I will judge the other weird stuff she did, but that's another post.)

That said, Lea looks gorgeous in these new photos, and if getting her hair done gave her a moment's reprieve from being focused about Cory's death, then that's a precious gift.

Do you think there is one way to grieve?


Image via MsLeaMichele/Instagram

celeb couples, celebrity death, glee

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nonmember avatar melissa wolfe

Very very VERY well said. Everyone chooses to grieve there own way. Just because she is smiling and enjoying time with friends does not mean she doesnt grieve in private. She is chosing to live life and not let this destroy her. I applaud her... and you for this article.

Janey222 Janey222

Exactly. Leave her alone,she HAS to LIVE her life, she is still here. When I see her smiling and happy I see just that. Someone who is living her life. How do we know what she does when she is home alone or anywhere alone....give the girl a break. I totally agree, everyone grieves differently!

Jenna Turano

Shes able to move on! good for her; and there are multiple ways to grieve...hers i think is the best way to grieve. She looks amazing and shes so strong....this is what cory would have wanted <3

Nicole Crissey

I agree with janey222 i lost a grandpa and sometimes i was smiling with friends and family other times i broke down a cry so just leave lea alone

Sylvia Stein

She grieved for 3 and a half weeks- and she never spoke to the media.  The only place she has broken her silence from the pain is on twitter for her fans and at the Teen choice awards.  Come on people - she is trying to move on and she has dealt with enough pain!  THE ONLY PEOPLE SAYING ALL OF THIS ARE PROBABLY THE MEDIA AND HATERS!   COME ON! 

Anita Hani Ragu

Good for her health. She needs to change her mind set to keep healthy.

nonmember avatar maggie

There is more than one way to grive, I lots my father to colon cancer two months after our family found out he had it. Two short months later my sister in law had twins one passed 4 days later due to missing a heart valve. Its been 6 months since my father's passing and people who see me out of my room smiling and putting on a brave face think Im not grieving. But they dont see me when no ones around or even a few close people around and see me balling like a baby cuz I wish I had more time with the two people I lost. Or my family sees me not wanting to hold the twin that is doing ok and get mad at me for it. Me not holding her is my way of grieving. We all just need time and thats ok.

nonmember avatar CarrellKate

People should leave her alone! What is she supposed to do? Walk around crying and wearing all black?? Of course she still misses him, but she grieves her own way like everyone else! She deserves some happiness and smiles on her life.

nonmember avatar Gunny

She is a lovely young woman with lots of friends so I think she's doing the best she can right now. A part of me wants the press to stop, but another part of me wants to know how she's doing. I'm a fan.

nonmember avatar cindy s

i think she is making a really good decision with being around her friends , family , and costars .. and she is not just stopping her life because something very tragic happened .. shes trying her hardest to move on she may not be like she was before but atleast she is trying and thats all that matters !! she is my rolemodel ..

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