When you're married to one of the most beautiful, successful women in the world, you expect a guy to be, I dunno .... satisfied?! But if you look at the long list of gorgeous women who have been cheated on (Halle Berry, Brandi Glanville, Christie Brinkley, Huma Abedin, etc., etc.), looks do not seem to be a guarantee of a happy marriage. And Before Midnight actor Ethan Hawke was apparently no different. Although Ethan and Uma Thurman, whom he was married to 15 years ago and with whom he has two children, have never really come out and said exactly what caused the breakdown of their marriage, rumors have always swirled that Ethan was unfaithful (with their then-nanny, to whom he's now married). And it kind of sounds like he cops to it in this latest interview.
Ethan told Elle magazine:
I had no business taking vows that would last more than two weeks. My personal opinion? The guy who's got it right is Derek Jeter. He lives his life like, "Hey man, I play shortstop for the New York Yankees. And I'm not going to get married until I'm no longer a shortstop for the New York Yankees." Which is incredibly smart.
Well, beyond the fact that Derek may actually be engaged -- is Derek basically saying that he wouldn't get married now because of all of the travel and stress of his job? Or because the ladies are still throwing themselves at him and he couldn't possibly be faithful?
At any rate, one of the worst reasons to get married is because you think that marriage will change the other person. But it's also just as bad to get married because you think it will change you. And Ethan says he thought it would change him for the better. Give him stability. Settle him down. He says:
Success when you're young is really overwhelming. The world felt out of control. And I wanted to stop it from spinning so fast. I thought marriage would decrease my variables or something. I was absolutely wrong.
Hm, getting married to "decrease your variables" is probably one of the weirdest reasons ever for getting married.
But Ethan is now 42 and happily married. And he's such a smart guy and such a good actor. He just got married too young. Some people aren't cut out for it until they're older.
Really. Don't ever get married because you think it will change you for the better. Only you can change you -- not marriage. If your marriage DID change you for the better, it wasn't the marriage that did it, it was yourself. Marriage is a long, difficult haul with plenty of ups and downs. It's much easier for it to change you for the worse than the better.
Find someone you respect and who respects you. Someone who is communicative. Someone who isn't physically or emotionally abusive. Someone who understands that marriage is about commitment and compromise.
And then work like hell at it. And have fun!
Do you believe in marrying to change yourself?
Image via austinisdotcom/Flickr