linda lovelaceHeyyy, Linda Lovelace has a new boyfriend. It's official: Amanda Seyfried is dating Justin Long. (Crickets.) Justin Long -- you know, he's in, um ... here, let me Google him for us all. Oh yes, he's the guy in those Mac vs. PC ads (he's the Mac). And iSteve, if any of you are familiar? And he was in A Case of You, which no one saw. And he voiced Alvin in Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ooh, here we go! He was dating Drew Barrymore on and off for years.

Sigh. Yeah. Dating Justin Long is going to do NOTHING for Amanda's career. Which means it must be the real deal? Weird! I mean -- how wonderful for her. That's great. I'm just wondering if she's ruining her chances at playing Ana in Fifty Shades.

See, here's the thing. Justin is cute and all, in a boyish kind of way. But he's probably what you'd call a "good person." Doesn't he look like a nice guy? You know, all earnest and sincere. And if he really is that sweet in real life, that bodes well for Amanda's emotional life -- we're real happy for her and all that crap. But he's no Christian Grey.

If Amanda is truly serious about landing the role of Anastasia Steele, she chose well with that Lovelace role. But I'm sorry, that's not enough. She needs to submit her personal life to Fifty Shades as well. She needs to date an older bad boy. That's all there is to it.

Now we have a long list of older bad boys for her to choose from. It doesn't have to be any of the actual actors who are up for the role of Christian. ALTHOUGH now that Ian Somerhalder is single, I think Amanda's best option is quite obvious. They don't even have to date for real -- just be seen standing next to each other a lot. And if we could catch Amanda crying in her car outside Ian's house a couple of times, that would be amazing. Mascara running down her face? Perfect.

Because I really cannot make miracles happen for this girl unless she helps me help her, so --

I'm sorry ... this is so embarrassing. Somehow, Amanda Seyfried's agent has been blogging under my name! I just caught her at my desk. I can't believe what she's saying here. I would never condone dating just for your career! Amanda -- we're real happy for you and all that crap. Date whomever you like. Geez.

What do you think of Amanda Seyfried dating Justin Long?

 

Image via Pacific Coast News