Vicki Gunvalson's winter wonderland party continued in the finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County and it felt as long and chilly as winter in Antarctica. Nobody is really getting along these days, so it was odd that anyone wanted to party together, but hey, that's what the show is about, right? Vicki's unbalanced son-in-law, Ryan, started the good times off by blowing up at Lydia McLaughlin's mother, Judy, who made the near-fatal mistake of putting her feet up on Vicki's couch.
Ryan belligerently confronted her and threatened to kick her out when she dared to ask who he was. When the ladies rallied around Judy, Ryan began exaggerating the encounter to make it seem like Judy had deeply disrespected him, which she didn't. This guy has a lot of issues. Granted, he's off to Afghanistan soon, but that's no reason to turn psycho on some old woman for resting her feet on your MIL's couch.
Next up were Tamra Barney and Gretchen Rossi, who have gone from bracelet buds to frenemies in one season. The two decided to hash out their issues, and as usual Gretchen ended up backing down in the face of Tamra's cold, hard stare.
"You take things and hold on to them," Tamra said, in her deeply empathetic and tender way. "I'm over it. Move on." Gretchen nodded absently until Tamra finally leaned over and hugged her. Gretchen looked like she was being hugged by a wild boar and had no choice but to go along with it.
Vicki informed Briana that she was going to continue to date Brooks whether her daughter liked it or not. Briana said fine, but that she did not want to see Brooks and would move out of the house instead. What a brilliant ploy by Vicki to get Briana and her cray husband out of her house! But judging by the updates at the end of the show, Vicki and Brooks' reunion didn't last long. Did anyone think it would?
Just as the biggest explosions are left for the end of a fireworks display, so too was the biggest fight left for the end of the party. Vicki called Slade over and presented him with a gift that he "inspired": A bottle of Vicki's brand label vodka, in bacon flavor. "In honor of Miss Piggy," she said, then added: "There should be Deadbeat Dad vodka too."
Needless to say, that sparked a round of back and forth between Slade and Vicki, who ended up calling Slade a "piece of shit" and, in her signature screech, pierced Gretchen's ears with, "Don't you get it?!!!" (Leave it to Vicki to be subtle.)
Still not over the fact that Slade stuck her with the Miss Piggy and Tupperware Face nomenclatures, Vicki berated him that he shouldn't make fun of women's looks. Slade responds (to the camera) that if Vicki wants to be treated like a woman, she should put away her penis. Oh yikes, that's a mental picture I didn't need.
Lydia unexpectedly joined in the attack, angry over Slade saying that she "needed to eat a cheeseburger." When Slade tried to apologize, she snapped, "Screw you!"
Whoo boy. I hope no one is driving home.
So that pretty much wrapped it up. It doesn't seem like anyone really likes anyone else, but the ladies got together and took a photo with each other anyway, and then Heather explained to the camera that this was what friendship was about.
Well, not in my house. But I'll watch it in yours. Just don't come over! Unless you bring some of that bacon vodka.
What were some of the most memorable moments this season?
Image via Bravo