Kim Kardashian's 'Obsession' With Amanda Bynes Sounds Just the Slightest Bit Creepy

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kim kardashianAmanda Bynes may be in celeb free fall at the moment, but she's got someone important-ish in her corner. Kris Jenner told Ryan Seacrest that the whole Kardashian family is concerned about Amanda, especially Kim. "Kim loves Amanda. She's obsessed with her and really wants her to be fabulous and get well." Wow, Kim is obsessed with Amanda? That's... so no surprising, actually. So we decided to turn The Stir over to Kim and let her write a blog post giving Amanda Bynes some sisterly advice. Here's why Kim said, as dictated to me.*

Amandaaahhh, I'm, like, such a fan! You're, like, so cuuute. I loved your movies. But why are you so messed up? It just makes me so sad. You could be like awesome and everything, but instead you're lighting fires and dying your hair all kind of weird, unflattering colors. Sweetie, can we talk?

(You know what Amanda's going to say: "No. You're ugly." Only she'll Tweet it instead of saying it out loud. But I know can win her over.)

Now Amanda, you know I'm gorgeous. Shut up and listen to Auntie Kim. Here's what we need to do. I want you do be fabulous, do you hear me? FABULOUS! Like I am. Was. Before the baby. I'm going to get fabulous again, I swear. I'm almost there. Let's get fabulous together, okay?

Okay, so first of all, let your hair grow out and let's dye it dark brown. We'll fill it in with extensions in the meantime. I'm sending you to my hairdresser, and then no more plastic surgery. I know -- is this really ME talking? But seriously, you've had too much. Stop it. Stop it now. 

Then we go shopping! I know you already love shopping, in a weird way. But I think we need to get you some monochromatic bandage dresses. Or you know what? You're so creative and crazy, maybe you should meet my boyfriend, Kanye. We should totally go shopping with Kanye! This is going to be so fun. You should see what he picked out for me.

Ooh, maybe he could set you up with one of his friends. You're not dating anyone right now, are you? Hmm. We need to do something about that.

Okay, so now we have to talk about getting well. There are spas, honey. You know this already. You check in, they take care of you, and you come out looking all relaxed and glowing. Can we please go to a spa together? It would be so fun! I'm dying to try this new one in Bali that Kanye loves.

After the spa, we sign you up with my nutritionist and he makes you all these green smoothies. They're so not fun, but believe me, your insides will work so much better (if you know what I mean) and you'll have loads of energy. Organic everything, forever.

Amanda, will you move in with me? They've got me trapped in my mom's house, and they're making me drink these green drinks and I'm DYING inside, do you hear me? DYING. I can't keep breastfeeding and exercising all day, every day like this. Help! Bring candy bars. No one has to know --

What? I'm not talking to anyone? I'm just -- (click)

And then the phone went dead. Oh well! We're publishing this anyway.

*Not really, but it would be awesome if this really happened, right? Kim, call me!

Do you think Kim could actually help Amanda if she let her?

 

Image via Pacific Coast News

 

amanda bynes, kardashians

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kelti... kelticmom

Wow lady, you are a b*itch. What a nasty article. Why bother even writing it? Are you sure the movie "Mean Girls" wasn't inspired by you?

kelti... kelticmom

Not to mention Amanda needs serious medical and psychiatric care, not a "spa". Ugh.

bills... billsfan1104

I agree with Keltic. This is mean spirited, especially since a young lady is in mental crises and all you can do if make fun of it??? How classy of you.

nonmember avatar Samantha

I agree with the previous comments. I doubt this "article" will make Amanda feel any better. Make fun of Kim all you want, but not someone who obviously isn't mentally stable.

Not cool The Stir.

nonmember avatar montana

lame and sooo not funny , you are too old to write blogs anyway

PRIMA487 PRIMA487

Were you not breast fed?Were you picked last?Were you not called on for current events?I'm trying to figure out why you are being such a fucking bitch towards a woman who has a mental illness and a woman (love her or hate her) who just had a baby and is trying to get back in shape(mainly because of people like you who can't wait to see if she's back in fighting trim).Didn't you have a baby recently?How's your body lookin Adrian?

JustA... JustACatLady

What is wrong with you Adriana Velez? Grow up.

nonmember avatar Lisa

How callous. Esp when Kim has been trying to reach out her and help her for awhile. She's positive about her and stands up for her and Amanda seems to really appreciate it. They tweet back and forth. Amanda's sick. Kim has always been the type to help someone getting attacked publicly. She knows how it feels

nonmember avatar Jo

Whoa! Not cool to make a sport of ridiculing someone undergoing a major psychiatric crisis.

hopef... hopefulmommieLW

You are a very mean person! I cannot imagine what would inspire you to make fun of someone who is obviously struggling with a mental illness, and a personwho, like the rest of us women, is just fighting to get back in shape after having a difficult pregnancy! I really would LOVE to know why you think this article is ok? I think maybe you need to remember these are people, not you personal punching bags. Grow up!

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