This 'Bachelorette' Is in for a Rude Awakening if She Thinks In-Laws Won't Ruin Her Marriage

Ali FedotowskySigh. Even though she has all sorts of experience with realty TV dating, being that she appeared on The Bachelor and starred as The Bachelorette, Ali Fedotowsky's thoughts about Desiree Hartsock's hometown dates (or those on any of the shows) are so off base, I'm not even sure where to begin.

Get this one -- she thinks going home to meet the Bachelor or Bachelorette's family has nothing to do with actually getting to know them. (Why would it? Eye roll.)

She also doesn't think the hometown dates should have any sort of influence on who makes it to the overnight dates on the show's finale -- and wait until you hear her reasoning.

Ali wrote in her E! Bachelorette blog (does every freakin' celeb have a blog these days?):

Would you choose not to marry the love of your life just because you didn't mesh well with his family? I would never let that stop me from marrying the man of my dreams. It would totally suck if he didn't click with my family, but at the end of the day, he's marrying me and I am marrying him. That's all that truly matters, right?

I hate to break it to her, but she couldn't be more WRONG.

While not getting along with a man's family may not be enough to stop her from marrying him, she's setting herself up for a whole host of struggles in her marriage if she thinks her relationship with his family (and his with hers) won't have a direct effect on it.

Trust me, it most definitely will. As someone whose in-laws don't particularly care for her and never have, I know all too well just how much tension having a strained relationship with your spouse's family can put on your marriage. I don't care how in love you think you are with a man. His family is his family -- and they've been in his life a lot longer than you have. And even if they don't treat you well or accept you for who you are, he'll still feel some degree of loyalty to them, which is basically a recipe for major arguments.

I guess I'll probably never know what it's like to have in-laws who absolutely adore me and think of me as a daughter, not simply their son's wife -- but I'm assuming it's a pretty darn good feeling. And if Ali knows what's good for her, she'll find a man with a family who genuinely loves her and who she cares just as much about in return.

As for Desiree or any future Bachelors and Bachelorettes -- there's no way they'll ever have a chance of finding true love if they don't go on the hometown dates. The success rate of couples who get engaged on the show is so low as it is. They need all the help and reassurance they can get.

Would you ever marry someone if you did not get along with their family?

 

Image via Angela Weiss/Getty

reality tv, the bachelorette, marriage

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Sue Ricketts Gulachek

You are right on and Ali is way off base. Perhaps that is why she is still single? Just a thought.

nonmember avatar Dawn

If you meet the family and you do not like the way the son or Dad interacts with the mom....turn around and run the other direction. That is how you will be treated. I don't care if you think it's the love of your life, nothing is worse than having in-laws that don't like you.

Dawn Squires

I believe Ali is so right on. Your marrying the guy of your dreams, NOT marrying his family. It is nice if you get along with his family, but whats important is the couple! For the last person's comment, " nothing worse then having inlaws that dont like you". Been there before.....I was married for 23 yrs, now i am divorced. My inlaws didnt like any of there 4 sons wifes, so that tells alot for inlaws. 

nonmember avatar Lilo

I did. And it's not easy...be sure to live far away from the in-laws (I don't!).

nonmember avatar Laurie

Spoken like a true single person. Her perspective will change...hopefull BEFORE she marries anyone.

CrazyAZ CrazyAZ

My marriage is great. My Inlaws are rotten thieves. We live 8 hours away by car so thankfully only see them once a year or so. It's a shit show every time.



That being said, the rotten things that my husband experienced during his formative years have a negative impact on my relationship which is frustrating.



Still there is no way I'd give up my husband just because his parents are trash.

Diane Fourmentin

Pretty much everytime I've seen these shows, when the hometown dates come the bachelor/bachelorette along with the guys/girls hoping to be with state that its really important to them that the other person mesh well and get along with the family members and that the opinion of their family means a lot to them.......case closed!

nonmember avatar Karla

Ali is so wrong! If ur family doesnt like ur significant other or theirs dont like u it really does cause a lot of problems not needed on a marriage that is tough anyways! Marriage is no walk in the park and u need all the support u can get! If I hadnt liked my husbands family before we married i really think it would have made me think a lot harder before marrying him!!

nonmember avatar Donna Summers

I did and I would do it all over again. A person's family would be nice but I would rather have a great connection with the man I was going to marry. We have had our struggles but I would marry my husband all over again. There is no one in the world who could take his place.

Heidi Adele Macfarlan Johnson

I don't think there's an all right or all wrong answer here.  It depends on the people involved.  My significant other's family was more than dysfunctional and he has nothing to do with them.  We've been together almost two years & I haven't met them, and they live in the same state!  However, no one has ever loved me more or been a better partner to me in my life (he is MUCH better than was my husband of 12 years, whose family was crazy but loved me very much....but that didn't change the fact that he abandoned his young children and me).  Whether you share the same values is much more important to longevity of a relationship in my opinion.  

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