Drop everything you're doing right now and huddle around. I have something very important to tell you. Robert Pattinson. Went. Grocery. Shopping. There are pictures, and we can look at them, and we can discuss them. As far as I am concerned, that is something we should do. Are you ready? Okay. To the Robert Pattinson Intrusive Viewing Room! Let us examine every last item in that shopping cart and decipher whatever intimate, personal details they might reveal.
1. Case of Coors Light. That's a lot of beer. First of all, this means Rob is no beer snob. He'll drink anything, apparently. And he's trying to maintain his girlish figure. But let's talk about the quantity. Is he planning a party -- or is he planning to go underground? Methinks this beer is meant to last him a few months while he lives in the tunnel under his home, dating Riley Keough in secret. Just a hunch.
2. Diet Snapple. I don't see the Snapple in the photos, but Perez Hilton says it's there, so it must be true. Robert is going to drink all that Snapple, and then he's going to pee in all the bottles because he forgot to have a bathroom built in his basement. I know this is a gross detail. What can I say, I'm just reporting what I've made up.
3. Bulk package of toilet paper. I know what you're thinking: Don't be gross again, Adriana. Well you'll be pleased to know that is not where my theory takes us. That toilet paper is for an art project Rob's working on, but he made me swear not to tell you about it because it would ruin the surprise. (Involves water colors and glitter, FYI.)
4. Tortilla chips. I'm guessing by the yellow bag. Something about that particular shade of yellow says tortilla chips to me -- store-brand at that. Maybe Rob's a mad guacamole maker.
5. Sour Cream & Onion PopChips. That's what that green bag next to the tortilla chips totally looks like. Here's what I think happened. He went in to support his pal Katy Perry by purchasing Katy's Kettle Corn Chips, but then he saw the sour cream & onion. And he likes that flavor better, so he bought them instead. And then, like the careless asshole that he is, he left the package on the top of the bag where Katy can see it now! Oh cruel snack betrayal.
6. Other stuff. There are more things in that bag, but we can't see them. I'm just going to take a stab here: Tampons, kale, quinoa, those little Babybel cheeses, extra virgin olive oil, frozen blueberries, a lighter, and this month's Martha Stewart Living.
What do you think is in Robert Pattinson's grocery bag?