OMG. It's really happening, people! Supposedly Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart held hands in public -- which means it shouldn't be too terribly long before the rumor mill is overflowing with tales of the "dramatic reunion that made them realize just how much they mean to each other."
(Gag. Barf. Hurl. Repeat.)
Because if whoever spotted Rob and Kristen really was looking at the former lovebirds (not a couple of people who resemble them), then the only possible explanation for them being physically affectionate with each other is because they're back together and in love and are now going to live happily ever after, right?
Oh for Pete's sake -- can't you already predict the chain of events that's about to take place?
Let's assume for a second that the couple in the park really was them and that they were, indeed, holding hands. Based on their track record, I'd say by week's end, Rob will have moved back into Kristen's Los Feliz pad. (Let's hope he didn't unpack all the garbage bags he drove away with last month when he moved out.)
And then somewhere around mid-July, Kristen will have a rock on her finger so big it'll be visible from outer space. Wedding invitations will go out in August, and then right before the big bash at the end of, say, October, reports will come out that Kristen is pregnant -- but that the baby "might" not be Rob's.
Cue a tabloid goldmine so big everyone will entirely forget that a royal baby was born over the summer.
This is where things will get really juicy -- the speculation over who the father is if it's not Rob. Duh, it's not Rupert Sanders, because Kristen wouldn't be dumb enough to go down that road again.
But before we find out who the father really is, the whole pregnancy thing will fall apart and turn out to be nothing but a food baby she "conceived" after indulging a bit too much after being so blissful about her reconciliation with Rob.
And you know what will happen next, right? Yep. He'll get drunk and be spotted out partying with Katy Perry or some random blonde. Then he and Kristen will be on the outs again -- ending their relationship "for good this time" because she feels so betrayed.
After that, she'll kick Rob out of the house, he'll go film a movie in an exotic location for a few months, and then boom! They'll bump into each other at Coachella in 2014, realize they're still in love, and start the process all over again.
Sound about right to you?
What do you make of the two of them holding hands?
Image via Pacific Coast News