'Princesses: Long Island' Recap: Getting Drunk, Falling Down & Looking for Mr. Right Now

Amanda and jeff

This week on Princesses: Long Island, the princesses' weekend in the Hamptons devolves from Let's drink a little Manischewitz wine and eat challah! into major high school girl drama. It wasn't very becoming of older 20-somethings who profess their desire to get hitched.

I do feel the need to preface my recap with this disclaimer. I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household and our Shabbats didn't resemble anything like the one featured in this episode. I would venture to say having a challah and Manischewitz wine on your Shabbat table makes you about as credible a Jew as Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas

Let's just start with the Erica and Casey drama, which begins at this so-called Shabbat dinner.

Clearly Casey has not been able to leave high school emotionally. She fervently believes that the reason she is still not married is because Erica stole her high school boyfriend and left her to sit in a prom dress and wait for a date that never showed. I feel her pain, but at some point, Casey has to GET OVER IT. And I would also suggest she never wear that headband thingy on her forehead ever again unless she is auditioning for a role in Hair: The Musical.

Erica, on the other hand, cannot deal with any strife unless she is downing as much alcohol as humanly possible and chain smoking like an old lady slot machine gambler. Being inebriated more often than not, she takes her fair share of stumbles throughout the episode. Of course, she blames it on her high heels, tripping over a bag, but I will venture to say Erica is falling all over the place because she is drunk. End of discussion.

Erica and Casey do not resolve their issues. Casey then proceeds to give Erica the cold shoulder, and her passive aggressive response stance does not sit well with Erica. Erica, who has minions of "yes women" fawning all over her, clearly cannot handle that Casey will not fall in line like the rest.

After seeing her two best friends at odds with one another, the Shabbat dinner organizer (aka Chanel) -- dress her up in a housecoat and slippers and she would truly resemble my Bubbie -- begins to cry. As she pours her heart out to Erica and bemoans this fact, Erica slaps her face a couple of times and tells her to snap out of it.

My favorite princess thus far is Joey, who I've nicknamed Little Bethenny. She totally reminds me of a younger Bethenny Frankel, the one we met in the very first season of Real Housewives of NYC, all scrappy and take no prisoners and quick to retort with a slew of well timed one-liners. Joey shows some of her best stuff during the girls' lunch out in the Hamptons when they tried to quite unsuccessfully to pick up guys.

The ladies' prowling action was more painful to watch than seeing puppies crying for their mama. Poor Ashlee has NO GAME whatsoever. Ashlee sits down next to some random foreign guy and proceeds to gush over how gorgeous he is and then ... get ready ... she calls her dad RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GUY. She then tells her daddy how she met the man she wants to marry. I am still not sure why this guy didn't leave skid marks. Perhaps he just stays for the entertainment that is Ashlee, who is completely clueless about what men REALLY WANT -- like NOT having a woman call her daddy and put him on speaker phone.

As Ashlee doles out her cringe-worthy pickup lines, Joey takes her to task and tells her she is doing it ALL wrong with this foreign guy. Ashlee needs to play the game and not:

#1 Pump him up like he's a GOD
#2 Go to him
#3 Call your parents

We agree with her on all three points -- especially since this foreign guy seemed much more into Joey than Ashlee.

Of course, I cannot recap Princesses without mentioning the just-doesn't-feel-right relationship between Amanda and Jeff. During this episode, Amanda and Jeff show off some major PDA. The audience even gets a slow motion shot of Amanda getting out of the pool that totally brought me back to Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High ... even though Phoebe Cates wasn't dating a much older guy who I am pretty sure plays for "the other team." Oh and when Amanda calls Jeff her daddy and Jeff calls Amanda his baby -- well, it just gives me that icky feeling that makes me want to marinate in a bucket of hand sanitizer to feel fresh again.

After the girls' night of prowling for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) at a "club" in which they seemed to be the only patrons, Erica loads up on copious amounts of booze, and Chanel gets her Coco on, dancing like no one was watching. Everyone ends up back at the house where the drama gets kicked up yet even higher. Erica continues to drink and chain smoke and yell at her boyfriend Rob, saying she's sick, premenstrual, and needs everyone to stop telling her she has a drinking problem. Of course, Rob tells her she is awesome and shouldn't change a thing. And then -- surprise of all surprises -- Casey suggests she take Erica to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, to which our favorite Princess Joey replies:

"Twenty-four hours ago, Casey wanted to punch Erica in the face and now she wants to be her sponsor."

So what do you think? Does Erica have a drinking problem and will Ashlee ever snag a man?

 

Image via Bravo

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nonmember avatar lisa

Great article! Totally perceptive. I agree 100% re: Jeff and have no idea why Amanda, who seems rather sharp, hasn't realized that herself. Joey is so far my favorite too.

nonmember avatar Martyne

That is the most disgusting show on TV yet. Amanda and Jeff are gross kissing While referring to each other as mama and daddy. Ashley seriously needs her parents to get divorced so she can marry her disgusting and slimy father.

Alan Henslovitz

pathetic show that will be canceled within days the way I see it

nonmember avatar J

I've never seen it but your recap has peaked my curiosity as a trainwreck or car wreck, you just, can't, look, away...LOL

nonmember avatar Bianca

Like, is, like, anybody, like, counting, you know, like, how many times, like, these pathetic, like, spoiled morons, can, like, you know, like, overuse, like, the word "like"?
Seriously, if I were Jewish I'd convert!

Sarah Donza-Hughes

I came back to see if there were lots of comments about Jeff.  I was thinking after I read this, I thought it was bizarre how Jeff went bathing suit shopping with Amanda, how he cheered them on and then was fine with Amanda's mother paying.

nonmember avatar Mmm

I have to say it...Amanda and Jeff are sooo gross together! I can't stand him touching all over her like a molester..What is wrong with her eyes! He bugs the hell out of me.

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