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Everyone loves Ryan Gosling. Right? What's there not to love? The hangdog eyes. The soulful expression. The hot bod. But apparently after screenings of Ryan's new movie Only God Forgives, there is a flat-out Ryan Gosling haterparade going on. Critics are pounding on this movie like a starving monkey pounds on a coconut. The Gos plays a drug-smuggler who runs a boxing club in Thailand. Gos! Shirtless! Sounds good so far. Buuuuut that's about as good as it gets. The reviews seem to be universally bad, and the screening in Cannes was booed. Listen to this review -- it's the worst movie review you'll ever read in your entire life.
Says Jeff Wells in Hollywood Elsewhere:
Movies really don't get much worse than Nicholas Winding Refn‘s Only God Forgives. It’s a shit macho fantasy -- hyperviolent, ethically repulsive, sad, nonsensical, deathly dull, snail-paced, idiotic, possibly woman-hating, visually suffocating, pretentious. I realize I sound like Rex Reed on one of his rants, but trust me, please -- this is a defecation by an over-praised, over-indulged director who thinks anything he craps out is worthy of your time. I felt violated, shat upon, sedated, narcotized, appalled, and bored stiff.
So tell us how you really feel, Jeff. Stop holding back! This "re-phew" makes Showgirls reviews seem like Citizen Kane reviews.
Maybe this dude has a problem with The Gos. After all, he's got a smokin' hot career. Women everywhere drool for him. What's Jeff doing, huh? Is HE dating Eva Mendes?
But it's not just Jeff. Everyone else thinks the movie is crap too. Says Peter DeBruge of Variety: "The wallpaper emotes more than Ryan Gosling does in Only God Forgives." Peter Howell of the Toronto Star: "Everybody moves so slowly in Only God Forgives, you could show it at double speed and hardly notice."
Oh ... RyRy. This is too too bad. What happened to that The Notebook sequel?
Watching the trailer, I was intrigued. Maybe these grumps just don't GET IT. Oh well, even if the movie stinks like crab left out in the midday sun, we still love you, Ry. It's not just God who forgives. It's us.
Does this look like a movie you'd see? Just for Ryan?
Image via The Weinstein Co.