Apparently Charlie Sheen is being investigated by the FBI; his ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, is an informant for the FBI and has Mafia connections; and aliens are beaming information straight into Brooke Mueller's frontal lobe. Only one of those things is likely true -- and I'm gonna go with the last one. Anyway, these are reportedly some of the rantings of Brooke, who had her two toddler sons with Charlie Sheen taken away from her recently and given to none other than Charlie's other ex-wife, Denise Richards.
Brooke was placed in an involuntary psychiatric hold after a man who was reportedly at Brooke's home called 911 and said she had assaulted him. When the police arrived, this is when Brooke apparently informed them of her FBI and Mafia connections. Which is just the kind of thing you want to say to cops, right?
She also reportedly told the cops that her information about Charlie Sheen would "bring him down." What could she possibly know that the world doesn't? Brooke, we all know about Charlie!
Brooke and Charlie's 4-year-old twins, Bob and Max, have been living with Denise and their half-sisters, Denise and Charlie's daughters, since Brooke was hauled off to the psychiatric facility. Brooke is now in rehab, conveniently at the same facility where Lindsay Lohan is. Gah! Where is Dr. Drew when you need him?
Anyway, apparently the police weren't impressed with Brooke's "Mafia connections," so they called family services, placed Brooke on hold, and then the kids ended up with Denise. The children were removed because authorities determined they were in an "unsafe environment," and it certainly sounds that way. I mean, who knew if the Mafia would show up any moment and pull a Godfather on someone!
Okay, I've gotten my jokes out of the way, but in all seriousness, I feel bad for these kids. Charlie may have gone to court with Denise, but then he handed his own children over to her. Talk about checking out. I guess Charlie feels like as long as he's writing out the checks, then he's a cool dad.
And the kids' mother obviously needs help. Hey, don't take it from me. Anyone remember that episode of the short-lived reality show with Paris Hilton, The World According to Paris, that also starred Brooke? She was always freaking out and seemed a touch unhinged. At one point, she screamed, "I need heeeeellllp!!!" when she had relapsed into drug use. Imagine being her kids?
Sounds like the kids are just where they need to be right now. And I really hope that Brooke gets the help she needs and that help doesn't entail an old dude with a raspy voice saying, "I made her an offer she couldn't refuse."
Do you think Brooke will get it together for the sake of her kids?