Have you heard the big Honey Boo Boo-related news? Mama June Shannon finally got married to Sugar Bear, nine years after they made each other's acquaintance. (They met in an online chat room, of all places. I somehow can't picture either one of them tapping away at a computer.) June and Sugar Bear -- aka Mike Thompson -- got hitched in a camo-themed wedding in their Georgian backyard, and it's assumed that the big day will eventually be broadcast on their TLC reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Naturally, the Boo Boo clan is already getting some flak for the rumors that they earned a bonus for televising their nuptials, but if you ask me, the REAL reason they should be concerned about this decision has to do with ... *dramatic organ music* THE DIRE CURSE OF THE REALITY SHOW MARRIAGE.
Here's what I'm saying: if you choose to put your relationship on a reality show, you shouldn't be surprised when your marriage goes to hell.
I mean, just look at the collateral damage created by past reality television entertainment: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries! Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey! Jon and Kate Gosselin! Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker, Leah Messer and Corey Simms, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro, Hulk and Linda Hogan, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, Danny and Gretchen Bonaduce, Missy and Bam Margera, Susie and Corey Feldman, Camille and Kelsey Grammar, a shit-ton of Real Housewives, and ugh HAND-CRAMP FROM TYPING.
Now, the Honey Boo Boo family aren't really your typical glamour-seeking wannabe celebrities, but still. What was it that prompted Shannon and Thompson to finally tie the knot, I wonder? Was it Sugar Bear's recent health scares? Mama June's newly slimmed-down figure and beautimous makeover? Or was it the promise of a bigger paycheck from TLC if they provided fodder for a Honey Boo Boo wedding special? It definitely sounds like they gave the network some exclusive footage, since the invitations reportedly warned guests that “no cellphones, cameras, or outside video taping will be allowed.”
Personally, my guess is that the wedding was more about the love than the benjamins ... but accepting a payout for your wedding day is just one more step in the Doomsday Reality Show Fame path that typically leads to "irreconcilable differences."
I truly like the Honey Boo Boo folks, and I hope their relationship bucks the reality trend. Still, I don't think I'll be too surprised if we eventually see a spinoff show on TLC: Here Come the Newly-Single Honey Boo Boos.
Do you think reality show marriages are bad luck?
Image via TLC