Let's play the celebrity version of Guess the Polar Opposites! Ready? Okay, one is a new-age-y guru with dedicated to helping the less fortunate (meaning everyone) attain her level of non-dairy, gluten-free enlightenment; the other is a fallen starlet with a talent for tying up traffic who could wallpaper a bedroom with her personal collection of mugshots. Any guesses? If you picked Gwyneth Paltrow as celeb #1 and Lindsay Lohan as celeb #2, you win! (Nothing, but whatever.)
The point is: LiLo and Gwynnie are two great tastes that taste nothing like each other, right? Except it looks like pretty soon these ladies will have lots in common. If by "lots" you mean ONE thing ... and I do! See, Lindsay Lohan (potentially) has a post-rehab gig lined up: Blogging about her recovery! And eventually having her own website featuring her "musings on art, fashion, music, and movies." Are you getting this? LiLo is getting her very own GOOP!!!
Needless to say, this blog is gonna be brilliant ... and then some. Like a trashy girl's take on Gwynnie's uber-elitist tips for achieving overall perfection -- what fun! Here are a few of GOOP's best/worst (depending on how you look at them) tips and what the LiLo-style variations might look like:
1. Hangover Cures
GOOP recommends: Hydrotherapy, umeboshi plums, and something called "OZ Brain Enhancement Sticks."
Lindsay Lohan recommends: Three vodka tonics, 4 lines of coke and, if all else fails, a few Ambien.
2. Eliminating Toxins
GOOP recommends: Going on a very strict elimination diet avoiding all "dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda."
Lindsay Lohan recommends: Purchasing an extra-large Diet Coke at a nearby drive-thru when you wake up. This will make you pee a lot, therefore flushing out bad stuff.
3. Putting together the perfect wardrobe
GOOP recommends: Stocking up on "versatile" staples such as a $2,145 blazer and a $1,595 "satchel."
Lindsay Lohan recommends: Stealing "versatile" staples such as whatever items are small enough to stuff in your satchel without salespeople noticing.
Are you excited for Lindsay Lohan's new blog?!
Image via Guise Archives/Flickr