You guys, I'm really sorry, but I have some terrible news about Miley Cyrus. No, it's not that she's officially broken off her engagement to Liam Hemsworth -- despite what Snoop Dogg/Lion might have recently hinted at in a blatant attempt to promote their weed-fueled musical collaboration out of concern for his friend -- it's that ... well, there's no easy way to say this, but apparently Miley Cyrus isn't going to tweet any more pictures of her dogs. Because the world no longer deserves the privilege.
You're probably thinking that without the incredible honor of seeing Miley Cyrus's dogs in all their grainy, Instagram-filtered glory, there's no reason to go on living. Who would blame you? This is a truly devastating announcement, and we're just going to have to support each other in this time of national mourning.
Miley's jaw-dropping revelation came during an interview in the April issue of ELLE UK, in which she explains that getting engaged to Liam Hemsworth was a natural step in their relationship -- but they're done talking about it. Except for this interview, of course.
We have a house together and dogs. It just seems right to be wearing this ring and to be committed. But we keep our relationship low-key and don't talk about it anymore.
She went on to say that despite her habit of posting multiple times per day on Twitter, she's no longer using the social media network to share personal information. Because the world doesn't deserve it.
We were too nice to the world and gave them too much insight -- into my life and my puppies and my house -- and I just don't feel they get that privilege any more. Like on my Twitter, I'm much more ... not conservative, but you don't see a picture of my dogs. You don't get that personal stuff any more.
But other than those, she's done, you guys. Done. The public gets no more personal images, PERIOD. Except for this photo of her in a horse hoodie. Oh god, it's all so sad. I hope this kissy face isn't the last thing she shares! Or this photo of her sticking her tongue out while wearing a sassy shirt!
Speaking of her fashion choices, Miley says she's totally over celebrities who dress provocatively, because real talent shines through naturally:
A star is someone who doesn't have to take her clothes off to be sexy because you naturally have star power. Sex does sell, but you have to find a way that's not just showing your tits. I don't want to be a glorified model. They just walk on stage and it's all about their clothes -- or lack of clothes.
Well, there you have it: despite the fact that she's baring navel-deep cleavage on the front of the very magazine she said this to, Miley doesn't want to be known for her skin-baring outfits. I'm certain she'll be covering up any minute now ... just as soon as she dials back the self-obsessed Twitpics.
Are you pretty impressed by Miley Cyrus's ability to deliver Alanis levels of irony in this interview, or what?
Image via ELLE