Gee, have people noticed Kanye West has been spending a lot of time on a completely different continent than his baby-mama, Kim Kardashian? Apparently Paris has cast a spell over Kanye, and the city of lights has stolen him away from Kim. Or maybe he had no idea women's bodies do that during pregnancy and he's hiding from her. Who knows? As long as he stays over there, we're left over here to speculate over what must be going wrong.
Oh but wait! Kanye is starting to feel a wee bit defensive. He is not, I repeat, NOT! avoiding Kim out there in Paris. He is working, people. Working his Kanye ass off so he can finish his album and then devote himself to all things Mini-Kimye.
He's no deadbeat! In fact, Kanye had his people leak the information (or, I don't know, somehow it became KNOWN to the tabloids) that he is spending a small fortune flying private jets to make all of Kim's doctor's appointments. Like, $100,000 so far! Because that is how you measure devotion: In American dollars spent on luxury travel. He has her doctors' number on speed dial, do you hear me? SPEED DIAL!
(Wait, speed dial? Didn't we stop using that in the 1990s?)
Poor Kanye. Hey, it's okay if you need to wrap up your big projects before it's Baby Time. That totally makes sense. And you know, pregnant women mostly just sit around eating, complaining, and being gassy anyhow, right ladies? So it's not like you're missing any magical moments, like feeling those little baby kicks, or staring up at the stars with your sweetheart and sharing your dreams for your child, or finding adorable little baby Clash t-shirts together.
I just hope that when the Kimye baby does finally arrive, Kanye gives his new family his full and undivided attention. Put the cellphone down (or whatever you're using to "speed dial" people, snerk snerk snerk), pick up that little baby, and talk insane nonsense in falsetto like any other devoted daddy.
Do you think Kanye is avoiding Kim or truly working hard before the baby arrives?
Image via Pacific Coast News