I hope you're sitting down, because I've got some pretty shocking news from the world of reality television. It's so surprising -- so completely and entirely unexpected, even -- I hardly know where to start, so I guess I'll just state the facts as they're being reported. Are you ready for this? Okay, here goes: Shae Bradley and Jesse J from Buckwild made a sex tape together, and now it's being shopped around to porn distributors.
I KNOW, RIGHT? My god, the idea of a young reality show cast member purposefully capturing explicit video of themselves during an intimate act is simply mind-blowing. It's certainly not like there's a precedent for this sort of behavior! What could this couple possibly have been thinking?
*taps keyboard* Say, my sarcasm font is on, right? I mean, you can tell that I'm rolling my eyes so hard I can actually see the back of my skull? Because yeah, thanks to the likes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, and more, whose road to fame was so courageously paved with ill-advised sex partners and awkwardly lit genitalia, releasing an XXX tape has become the quickest way to score publicity.
(Random: isn't it funny we still call it a sex TAPE? It's so wholesome and old-fashioned-sounding! "Honey, can you rewind the sex tape so the kids can see the moment when Mommy's self-respect went bye bye?")
As you may know, the most recent reality-star-sex-tape news has been centered around Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham, who shot her own porn with famed adult actor James Deen before making the following bizarre statement about her co-star's motivations and penis size:
Wha -- is she -- I can't even -- wow.
Anyway, Buckwild's Shae Bradley and Jesse J apparently filmed themselves having what's being called "trailer park sex" (?) before the MTV reality show began taping. Producers were reportedly aware of the video and asked the couple to keep it to themselves. Now that the show's been canceled in the wake of cast member Shain Gandee's accidental death, however, the triple-X footage is being shopped to distributors.
Bradley has confirmed the tape's existence, while simultaneously pointing an accusatory finger at her ex:
Yes, there is a sex tape and I regret making it with someone who I obviously couldn't trust and is looking to exploit the relationship we had.
Well, gosh, kids, congratulations on your impressive achievement. You're joining an elite group of well-respected individuals who dared to record their lovemaking sessions then sell the footage to the highest bidder, and as a result I'm sure your 15 minutes will last at least another 30 seconds or so. But don't give up your dreams: if you're lucky, your next big break will be on Celebrity Rehab!
Are you surprised to hear about yet another reality star porn video being shopped around?
Image via MTV