You guys, Taylor Lautner finally has a new movie coming out! After watching Kristen Stewart move on from Twilight in On the Road, and Robert Pattinson kill it in arthouse flicks like Cosmopolis and Bel Ami, now it's Taylor's turn to shine. Remember when he was in talks with major indie director Gus Van Sant? I couldn't wait to see what kind of soul-searing, dark, gritty drama he'd show up next. Most importantly, whatever the plot is, surely he is taking off his shirt? That's all that really matters. Well, today is the day. Are you ready to see the trailer for Taylor's next movie?
It's Grown Ups 2, a comedy so niiiice they had to make it twiiiiice. Adam Sandler is married to Salma Hayek, so I'm thinking maybe it's a science fiction/fantasy? Well anyway, I watched and watched and watched, wondering where Taylor finally comes in. And urgh, he's a secondary character! (Nobody puts Taylor in a corner.) Just some frat guy who shows up at a swimming hole.
Oh well, at least he's still traveling with a pack. Speaking of packs, where's that six-pack we all want to see? He spends all five brief seconds of the trailer with his freakin' shirt on! What the hell. Since this is a swimming destination I can only hope that he does take off his shirt at some point. In slow-mo, movie producers. In slow-mo. There's still time to re-shoot if you forgot to do that. I'm not sitting through the whole movie to find out (that's why Jesus gave us Netflix). But if you see Grown Ups 2 this summer and Taylor remains clothed through its entirety, I think you'd better demand your money back.
Would you see Grown Ups 2 just for Taylor?
Image via Sony Pictures
I create a special savings account
I put a little away at a time
I cut corners until I can afford it
Save? Who has money to save?
I plan to put it on my credit card and love the benefits of the reward program