Oh. Mah. Gah. Did you hear? Robert Pattinson was spotted partying inside a model sandwich and Kristen Stewart was nowhere in sight! Saturday night Rob showed up at some Hollywood celeb hangout called Teddy's, and supposedly there were models just standing there right next to him like he didn't have a girlfriend or anything. I mean, they were in the same room! Breathing the same oxygen! That's practically a sex orgy. What does it all meeeeeeeeeean?!?
It means we are locked inside the Robsten nightmare. They have taken the celeb hall of mirrors and turned it back on us. This is our punishment for caring too much about Kristen and Rob: Now they're just playing with us.
According to Mr. Source, Rob wasn't even talking to or looking at the models. He was just hanging out with a couple friends, looking his usual "shy." If he and Kristen were still a couple, she would have nothing to worry about. Couples part from each other's company every so often to attend social events separately. It's not the end of their relationship. Of course, I still refuse to believe Rob and Kristen are a real couple anyway.
(Also: What do they mean by models? Famous Victoria's Secret-level models or Hanna Andersson catalog models? I mean, really. Way to be vague.)
I think now they're business partners milking the Twilight cash cow just a wee bit more. And they're laughing their heads off at our expense. After all our poking and prodding and writing about every insignificant little thing they ever do, they now put on these performances to mock us the next day when we write about it.
"LOLZ, Kristen, they wrote about that stupid party I went to last night!" Rob crows to his "girlfriend" the next day. Kristen messages back: "Dude, you woke me and Taylor up again. What is it this time?!?" And then Rob writes, "Our evil plan -- it's totally working, mwa ha ha ha ha," and then he throws his phone down and eats a chocolate bunny. You know, we have a choice here. We could just decide not to play along.
Do you think Kristen gives a flying fig if Rob parties in the vicinity of models without her?
Pens, pencils, markers, etc.