Joe JonasWhoah, have you guys heard the crazy news about Joe Jonas's sex tape? Apparently he's been getting up to some SERIOUS kinky stuff with his Swiss model girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler. I'm talking Christian-Grey-levels of kink, you guys. Who would have thought this squeaky-clean pop star had his own Red Room of Pain? Especially since he's supposedly an evangelical Christian who wore a purity ring for years as part of his vow to abstain from sex until marriage?

It's true that Jones confirmed back in 2011 that he'd ditched his ring ("I’m at a place in my life now where I’m making decisions on my own"), but his team is vehemently denying the existence of this rumored BDSM, drug-fueled sex tape. That's good news for Jonas and his reputation, since just the description of the video -- supposedly set to be released on April 3, 2013 -- is enough to make us turn fifty shades of OH MY.

Let me start right out by confirming that Jonas's rep has denounced the sex tape rumor:

There is no truth or validity to the story. It is completely false.

So I'm not presenting the following as fact, I'm simply tittering about what's already been printed, okay? This whole thing is surely 100 percent B.S. -- but come on, you want the full dirt, don't you?

As the rumor goes, Jonas and his girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler made the video in their Buenos Aires hotel room during the Jonas Brothers' South American tour. A third person in the room acted as photographer/videographer, and here's the decidedly NSFW description of what happened next:

At the beginning of the video, Joe and Blanda are sitting on the bed together. They are both drinking and smoking pot, and Blanda explains to Joe what she is going to do to him in detail.

They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p**** juice off of it,” and he complies.

The couple is very vocal and there is a lot of overly dramatic screaming and moaning. The sex is explicit, and there are multiple close-up shots of Joe’s face, penis and testicles, as well as Blanda’s face, breasts, and vagina. In between sex acts, they consume shots of alcohol. The video looks as if it was shot over the course of several hours, and some scenes were shot multiple times, so we do not know which takes will appear in the final cut. Both Joe and Blanda start out sober but appear to be inebriated by the end of it.

Well! *clears throat awkwardly* That was certainly ... detailed.

Honestly, I don't know anything about Joe Jonas so I don't really have a strong personal opinion on whether or not he seems like the kind of guy to video himself being paddled. But my guess is that whatever his personal bedroom preferences might be, he knows better than to FILM it.

As for Jonas himself, he posted a pretty funny comment about the rumor on Twitter:

Ha! Although let's note that isn't exactly a DENIAL. Maybe he really does have a secret "Laters, baby" side after all.

What do you think of this bizarre Joe Jonas rumor?


Image via JoeJonasMusic.com