The Makings of a Perfect ‘Bachelor’ & ‘Bachelorette’: 8 Things They Need to Make Us Swoon!

BachelorI have watched The Bachelor since the day Alex Michel had his first rose ceremony back in 2003. I was hooked. The show has lasted a decade with a formula that just works over and over and time and again. The fact is, people tune in to see the tears, the drama, and the hot people making out with each other.

But what is the special sauce that has made this show outlast all the other T&A ready dating shows it leaves in its wake? The answer is simple: the contestants.

Time and again, lovely people line up in open auditions and bare their souls, all for the chance to have some short-lived infamy on a show where they will likely be a laughingstock for all to see. Sounds appealing. Here are some of the qualities you must have in order to be considered for the show:

  1. Perfect abs: Come on now. ALL those women look so hot in bikinis and we know 99.9 percent of America doesn't look that hot. There's a reason, people.
  2. A personality disorder: You can't get on this show without proving you are the kind of person who would hand a man your underwear and feel pretty swell about that after knowing him for 10 minutes. Prevail!
  3. A drinking problem: Don't worry if you aren't an alcoholic. This show will supply enough free booze to make you into one.
  4. Tears at the ready: If you aren't prepared to cry your eyes out, then don't expect any love here. Cut some onions and bring your best emotion!
  5. A back story: Whether it's a dead dad or a dead dog or a bad divorce, you better have some kind of back drama that makes you more than just a dumb hottie in a string bikini, desperate for any male attention.
  6. Sexual hang-ups: Are you a born again virgin like Sean Lowe? How about just a virgin, virgin? Someone who chooses to abstain from kissing because your mom wouldn't like it? Or just a randy jezebel with a taste for sausage? Line up! We want you all!
  7. A kid: Lately it seems like at least one or two of the contestants are parents. This makes for GREAT! DRAMA! Because apparently our love of our children is great for exploitation. Look at Emily Maynard and Jason Mesnick, both of whom started out as contestants and ended up as the main show. Most of this is because they are parents! Wahoo!
  8. A dad who likes guns: If your dad is a redneck hick who loves nothing more than shootin', chewin' tobacco, whiskey, and his yung'uns, then you will probably make great TV. Sure, everyone will call you "trash" at home and laugh at your redneck "daddy's girl" attitude (hi, Vienna!), but what is that compared to fame? Bring it!

More from The Stir: 10 'Bachelorette' Catchphrases Desiree Hartsock Needs to Learn ASAP

What do you think a Bachelor contestant needs?

 

Image via ABC

the bachelor, the bachelorette

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mommy... mommytojack0524

Um...Sasha...being a virgin (or at least discriminating in who and when you sleep with someone) is not a sexual hang up. It beats the "randy jezebel" anyday.

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