SplashRemember that ABC series called Celebrity Diving that was going to feature celebrities and famous swimming stars? Yeah, me neither. Apparently the show got revamped and renamed to match the same-named ITV British series, Splash. If it seems a little surprising that there's enough demand in the world for two shows devoted to celebrities clumsily attempting to high dive, keep in mind there are actually a TON -- versions of Splash currently air on France and Spain, with others set for the Middle East, Australia, China, Ukraine, Finland, and Argentina. Not to mention Fox's Stars in Danger: The High Dive.

What on earth is the appeal of a series that British critics called "utterly dreadful television," "utterly awful," "a new low for television" and "probably the worst programme ever screened in primetime"? I can't explain it, because it looks TERRIBLE. Stupid, exploitive, and a complete waste of time.

Also … um, my DVR is TOTALLY set to record tonight's premiere episode.

Look, I'm not proud of this. There's literally nothing redeeming about the format, right? It's a bunch of quasi-celebrities (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Drake Bell, Kendra Wilkinson, Rory Bushfield, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Ndamukong Suh, Katherine Webb, Brandi Chastain, Nicole Eggert, and Louie Anderson) who producers are hoping will do something dramatic on camera in order to provide shlocky entertainment in the name of a revealing bikini shot or a poolside breakdown.

And the presence of comedian Louie Anderson is just kind of depressing. Let's be honest, they totally picked this guy because of his weight -- he's over 400 pounds, and will clearly stand out among the actresses, pro athletes, beauty queen and Playboy model.

According to Anderson, though, he thinks viewers will be surprised when they see him in action:

I didn't look at this as a show that's going to make fun of me even though some people probably do when they hear about it. But they'll be surprised that it won't be what they think it's going to be.... Is it more impressive to see someone who's fit dive off a 5-meter or someone who's fat?

The show may not be mocking him, exactly, but producers must have loved the fact that he has a lifelong fear of water, and apparently had to be rescued during the first week of practice when he got disoriented in the pool.

Let's see, it's a show about dramatic-for-the-camera personalities, revealing bathing suits, and people being forced into awkward and intimidating physical situations. If this LA Times poll is any indication, it's going to flop harder than a belly-first landing:


So WHY am I recording it? I don't even know, you guys. I guess it's just that we all like a little mindless entertainment sometimes -- and this looks about as mindless as it gets.

Are you planning to watch Splash?

Image via ABC